Water Proof Ink
by marble eyes
Summary: When nineteen year old Leah Barnes took on the job as Jim McGinn's intern for the summer, she never expected that it would lead to a man who holds the key to unlocking her Dad's past. Could the mysterious and cold prisoner she meets be the missing moustached man of her childhood memories?
1. Green

**I've been writing this for a little while now, but was a bit reluctant to post it. So this first chapter is dedicated to the lovely Mercurial who continuously been telling me to post it :) I hope whoever reads it, enjoys it. **

Leah Barnes sat in the kitchen of her father's flat scooping cereal into her mouth. It always made her feel relaxed to be here, the place where she'd lived in her younger years. She smoothed down her long pencil skirt, trying to ignore the butterflies in her stomach. Leah had just finished her first year of university and today was going to be her first day of work experience. Leah knew that nothing could wipe the smile off her face today.

'I'm never coming back to this hell hole!' shouted a male voice.

Well nearly nothing. Leah dropped her spoon and let out a sigh as the owner of the voice stormed into the kitchen, carrying a number of black bags. 'Alright?' she asked, as if this was the most normal thing in the world.

The man's face scrunched up. 'No I'm not alright. How can you even stand living with him?' he balanced one of the black bags on his knee. 'He's not normal, he's a freak! He might as well be dead inside.'

'Get out Ben.' said Leah coldly. Feeling her usual defensiveness when it came to her Dad.

'It's Ken.' he said sourly.

'Whatever.' answered Leah. 'Don't let the door hit you on the way out.'

In seconds another man was gone from the council flat that Leah called home. She wished this was an unusual occurrence or something she hadn't witnessed before, but that would be a lie. The door to the flat seemed to have becoming a revolving one, in which men exited as quickly as they entered. She pushed the cereal bowl away from her, suddenly not feeling hungry any more.

Her father appeared in the kitchen, looking completely unbothered by the drama that had just occurred. She watched as he ran a hand through his messy golden hair, which was just starting to show tiny flicks of grey. Her father was still a good looking man, even in his late thirties. But it was his good looks which seemed to keep attracting these besotted men that he had no intention of settling with down. Each man thought they could 'fix' Ste Hay and each man failed.

'What happened this time?' she asked, trying not to sound too bored. She grabbed the cup of coffee sitting next to her and took a long sip.

Ste Hay looked awkward for a moment, but he soon changed his expression to one of indifference. 'He asked me to marry him.'

Leah raised an eyebrow. 'I take it you said no and that's what lead to his amateur dramatics.'

Ste shrugged 'Something like that.'

Leah looked up at the ceiling, trying to hide her annoyance. It was always the same: her father would date a man, the man would move in and then they'd break up as it started to get serious. Her father wasn't made for relationships any more; it was like he had a self destruct button he decided to press on a regular basis.

'Big day today.' said Ste, smiling proudly at her and looking relieved at the chance to change the subject. 'Bet your Mum never thought we'd get here.'

Leah rolled her eyes at the mention of her Mum. Her and Amy didn't exactly get along at the moment. It has started when she was eleven and Amy had another baby, a girl. After that moment their relationship had never been the same again. She couldn't stand her Mum's husband and she certainly couldn't stand the feeling of being completely invisible in her own family. When she'd reached thirteen she'd started going off the rails slightly; drinking on the park with her friends, smoking and staying out till late. Her behaviour had caused massive rows and Amy had sent her to live with Ste for a while.

It was Amy's one act of desperation that had changed Leah and Ste's lives forever. The two of them had been cast a drift for some years and being brought back together had helped them find some security. Her Dad had stopped dealing drugs (something he didn't know that she knew about) and she'd stopped rebelling. Leah had gone to her new school with her head held high and a new sense of purpose. She'd passed all her exams with flying colours and got into university to do law. Her Dad had got his life back on track and had started working in a small cafe. Life was peaceful, well other than the doomed relationships her father had been having over the years.

'How about I make you a packed lunch?' said Ste, seemingly oblivious to how Dad-like he sounded. 'What do you want in your sandwich?'

'Dad!' said Leah, trying not to blush. 'I'm nineteen years old.'

'Doesn't mean you no longer need to eat.' said Ste, rolling his eyes. He pulled out some bread from the cupboard. 'What do you fancy?'

Leah wasn't sure what made her say it, perhaps some deep seeded childhood memory. 'How about Jam, but make sure it's seedless.' she pulled a face. 'I hate seeds.'

Ste suddenly froze, his whole body becoming stiff. Leah looked up; realising there was something wrong with him. He was shaking and gripping the work top, his hands white.

'Dad, Dad, Dad!' she shouted and finally managed to get his attention.

'Sorry,' said Ste, his voice faraway. 'I'll do your sandwich.' he went to the fridge and pulled out some ham.

Leah didn't have the heart to argue with him that it wasn't what she wanted. Her father hadn't been the same since his breakdown. Nobody had specifically told her that it was the break down that had changed her father; nobody had even told her he'd had a breakdown. She just knew. She knew from the blur of her childhood memories of his happy face, sing-song voice and silly laugh that the person she lived with now wasn't the same man.

Leah glanced up at the old faded felt tip pictures on the wall. Little keys into unlocking what had happened to her father and the man with the moustache. The man with the moustache had haunted her childhood; he'd just disappeared like he'd never been there in the first place. Deep down she knew the man with the moustache was the cause of her father's change. She often wondered what had happened to him, but the conversation was always banned and caused her father to go into a place in his mind where Leah couldn't reach him. All she had was a few faded and yellow pictures to go on. Even her Mum shut down any mention of the mysterious man from her memories.

'There, your lunch is all done.' said Ste, placing it in front of her on the table. 'I put in a few biscuits for Jim; hopefully it'll gain you some brownie points. Have you called your Mum?'

Leah let out a groan. 'Do I have to? I'm sure she's busy with Claire.' her little sister Claire was obnoxious and her Mum doted on her. Leah had never seen a child that looked so beautiful, but was so ugly on the inside. Claire always got what she wanted, wore pretty dresses and was a complete brat. She was amazed her brother Lucas had survived so long living with the demon child.

'Well make sure you ring her later then, yeah?' said Ste, 'you know what she's like.' he pulled a face, probably remembering the last time Amy had visited the flat.

'A total bitch.' muttered Leah sourly.

'You shouldn't talk about your Mum like that.' said Ste half-heartedly.

Leah rolled her eyes. 'I'm just saying what you want to really.' Her mother had changed slightly since marrying her new husband; she seemed to find it even easier to look down at everyone. A part of Leah knew she was being unfair, but she couldn't help but still feel resentful towards her mother and the way she made decisions for her throughout her childhood. Leah remembered long gaps between her Dad's visits and how her Mum had taken her away from the man with the moustache without asking her what she wanted. Her Mum always seemed to think she knew what was best for her, but forgot that Leah had a mind of her own.

'You best get going, or you're going to be late.' said Ste. He bent down and pressed a light kiss on the top of her head. 'Have a good day.' he disappeared towards the bathroom, once again leaving Leah alone with her thoughts.

Leah stood up and put her breakfast dishes into the sink. She grabbed her bag and made her way to the door. She paused for a moment reaching out to trace one of the stick figures on one of her own drawings. She reached out and pulled it gently from the wall, quickly shoving it into her bag.

**Water Proof Ink**

Jim McGinn in many ways was quite an unusual little man. It made no sense to Leah how he was one of the best lawyers in the county. Her father had once scornfully said Jim could get a guilty man off any charge no matter what the evidence, but it was those who were innocent under his care who he couldn't help. Innocent or guilty really didn't matter to Leah in this moment in time; it was all about succeeding in her chosen career. From the age of eight she'd wanted to put the world rights. One night she'd woken up to hear her mother and father arguing in the living, she'd quietly slipped down each stair on the staircase to hear the argument. She would always remember the pain in her father's voice as he drunkenly repeated the words 'he's innocent' over and over again. She'd heard her Mum simply state 'the evidence and the past never lies'. A part of her was still trying to make sense of their argument even after all these years. It was that moment that cemented her obsession with truth and lies, innocence and guilt and the difference between what is right and easy.

'Good morning Leah, you're early.' said Jim cheerfully, strolling towards his car. He tried to tuck in his messy shirt, but failed. He pressed down on the button on his car keys. 'Do you want to get in? We better hurry up before Carmel finds something else to moan at me about.'

The two climbed in; for a while there was a comfortable silence as Jim started the car's engine and drove them away from Hollyoaks.

'So, nervous about your first day on the job?' asked Jim cheerfully, slowing down to stop at a red light. 'You're going to be meeting all sorts of people in the next few weeks, I hope you know it's not a job for the faint hearted. I represent a wide range of clients: thieves, victims, rapists, murders...'

Leah rolled her eyes. 'I'm sure none of them can beat my Mum when she's off on one.'

Jim pulled away from the traffic lights that were now on green. 'I think you have a point, none of them put the fear of god into me like my Carmel does.'

Leah began to rummage through her bag to find the correct folder. 'I read the notes you gave me and all of your cases sound really interesting. Is it Will Savage we're going to see this morning in prison?'

'Yes.' said Jim and then he hesitated for a moment. 'Between you and me he's a sandwich short of a picnic. He pushed a young girl through a window just so he could get one up on his brother. His father Dirk still refuses to come to terms with the fact and this is why I'm pushing for an appeal.'

'Do you think he's innocent?' asked Leah, glancing down at the folder in her lap.

'It doesn't matter what I think; he's a client and I have to try to make other people believe he's innocent, regardless of my own feelings.' Jim glanced over a Leah and smiled at her, before returning his eyes to the road.

'I'm also really interested in the Brendan Brady case.' said Leah innocently. 'A lot of it doesn't make any sense and I've noticed a number of holes in it.'

Jim slammed down his brakes suddenly and luckily there was nobody behind him. 'I forgot to take his notes out of the pile I gave you.' he calmly started to move the car forward again. 'I'm sorry Leah; I can't believe I was that careless.'

Leah frowned. 'Careless? Does that mean I'm not going to be overseeing it with you?' she was now completely confused.

Jim began to sweat 'Well I thought with the family history that you wouldn't want to get involved.'

Leah gripped the folder in her lap tightly. 'What do you mean family history? Am I related to this man or something? I don't understand.'

'Didn't Ste ever tell you?' asked Jim nervously.

Leah started to shift nervously in her seat. A part of her was convinced she was on the verge of something massive. That in a few short moments her life would never be the same again. 'Tell me what?'

'You really don't remember? I really shouldn't tell you if your Dad never did.'

Leah tried to hide her frustration. 'Remember what? I'm nineteen years old and I deserve to know the truth.'

Jim took a deep breath. 'Brendan Brady used to live with you; he and your Dad were together at the time of Seamus Brady's murder. Brendan even launched a custody battle for you and Lucas just before he was arrested. He was a part of your family unit until your mother took you away.'


	2. Red

**Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed :) I couldn't believe the response. Here is chapter 2 :) **

Leah Barnes could think of many words she'd use in real life to describe Will Savage, but the word that came to mind at the moment was nutcase. She glanced down once again at the case notes and then at his bird nest of hair. Her Dad had told her about Will, how the man had manipulated his brother's girlfriend into marriage and then murdered her. She could feel no sympathy for him at all, but she didn't let it show on her face. Leah nervously smoothed down her skirt once more, trying to ignore Will's eyes upon her.

'You remind me of someone I used to know.' said Will, his eyes fixed on her face.

Leah disguised a snort into a cough. 'You probably knew my mother when she lived in the village.'

'No,' said Will coldly. 'Her name was Ash and she had beautiful long hair just like yours.'

'Did you murder her too?' asked Leah innocently, refusing to let him unnerve her.

'No.' said Will.

'I'm surprised.' she replied.

Jim let out a false laugh. 'Leah always loves to joke around, don't you Leah?'

'Oh yes, I love jokes.' said Leah coldly. She'd seen men like Will before; men who liked to exert control over women and it made her feel sick to the stomach. She wasn't about to let him win some sick twisted power play.

'Well,' said Jim picking up his folders. 'That'll be all today. I'll arrange another meeting soon to further discuss your Appeal. I'll pass onto Dirk that you're doing well.'

Leah stood up too and went to follow Jim out of the room.

'Leah?' said Will, he looked at her hungrily. 'Is my brother Dodger married? Does he have kids?'

Leah turned and surveyed him with her blue eyes. 'Oh yes, he's happily married. They have three kids and he_ never _mentions you.' she followed Jim out of the room just in time to hear Will's shout of angry protest.

She followed Jim out to the car park the two not saying a word until they reached the confines of his car.

'You shouldn't have done that Leah.' said Jim, trying his best to sound angry but failing.

Leah crossed her arms. 'He was antagonising me. You saw the way he was trying to exert dominance over me just because I'm a woman.'

Jim rolled his eyes. 'You didn't have to be such a hothead about it. You're going to be a lawyer Leah; you're going to meet men like him all the time. You can't let your personal feelings show through your professional mask.'

Leah tried not to smirk as she thought what her Dad's advice would be in this situation, she was sure he would have told her to punch Will in the face. 'I understand.'

'Right.' said Jim, putting a hand in his thinning hair. 'I think I should take you home now. I don't think its right you should help me oversee the Brady case when you can't even control your emotions around someone as pathetic as Will Savage.'

Leah raised an eyebrow. 'Does Will's father know you think he's pathetic?'

Jim looked flabbergasted for a moment. 'Well, err...I...'

'I've got some of my Dad's homemade cookies in my bag. It would be a shame if they went to waste; he's made enough for you too.' Leah tried to make her face the picture of innocence. There was no way she was going home and missing the chance to meet Brendan Brady.

'Fine!' said Jim, finally giving up the argument. 'But you'll have to wait outside while I'm talking to Brendan. You'll be really bored.'

Leah smirked at him. 'I'm sure I'll find something to do that'll keep me occupied.'

**Water Proof Ink**

Leah sat outside the room where Jim and Brendan were talking. She felt an angry pang of annoyance and kicked the table in front of her in frustration. The guard sitting at the desk raised an eyebrow at her, but didn't say a word. It just wasn't fair, a few hours the name Brendan Brady meant nothing to her and now it was the key to unlocking the mystery surrounding her father's breakdown. After finding out Brendan used to be some type of step-father to her and Lucas, Jim had refused to tell her anything else.

All Leah needed was five minutes with the man and then maybe it would all make sense. Her father was broken, but Jim was keeping her away from the man who might have the power to fix him. Jim's phone which had been handed in behind the desk started to ring, with its annoying ring tone that signalled it was his wife ringing. She let out a sigh and picked it up off the desk, ignoring the dirty look the man behind the desk gave her.

'Hi, Jim's phone.' said Leah.

'Oh thank god.' said Carmel McGinn's voice on the other end of the phone. 'It's Leah, isn't it? Could you please go and get Jim, it's urgent. Our Porsha has fallen out of a tree.'

Leah tried not to smile. 'Of course I can, won't be a minute.' she practically skipped to the door that Jim was sat behind with Brendan Brady. She knocked once before pushing it open.

Both Jim and Brendan looked up as she entered the room. Leah caught herself looking straight at Brendan; he wasn't as in good as condition of her Dad. He just looked so old, nothing like the young man with a moustache of her memories. She hopelessly looked around the room as if by some chance the real Brendan Brady would appear.

Brendan caught Leah staring at him and his lips twisted with confusion. The two looked at each other and Leah felt as if time was frozen. She was like a rabbit caught in the headlights of an oncoming car and couldn't escape his intense blue eyes. He was different from how she'd remembered and imagined his to be. He looked haggard, his brown hair laced with grey was messy and a shaggy beard covered most of his face. It was only the blue eyes that were the same, held the same burning fire. She could understand why her Dad found this man attractive, he was Ste Hay's polar opposite. Where her Dad's skin was golden -Brendan's was milky white, Brendan was tall and well built - Ste was quite scrawny and skinny, Ste's eyes held sadness - Brendan's held anger. She was now in no doubt that this was the man who held her Dad's heart.

'Sorry Brendan, I didn't realise you two would be meeting today.' said Jim quickly. 'This is my intern...' he paused looking at Leah for an answer.

'Louise.' she quickly finished Jim's sentence. 'My name is Louise.'

Jim raised an eyebrow, but didn't challenge her statement. 'Is there something you needed?'

Leah swallowed hard and finally drew her eyes away from the man who felt so familiar. 'Carmel's on the phone, she said it's an emergency. Apparently your daughter Porsha has fallen out of a tree.'

Jim scraped his chair back. 'Not again! Excuse me for a second Brendan.' he disappeared out of the room, leaving the two alone together.

Leah stepped forward, tentatively taking the chair that Jim had vacated. Brendan wasn't a threat to her; he was handcuffed firmly to the table. She was surprised that not one part of her was frightened of this man who had supposedly murdered five people.

'Hi.' said Leah nervously, causing Brendan to look up from the table he'd been staring a hole into.

'What's a little girl like you doing in a place like this?' asked Brendan, his voice husky from obvious under use.

'I'm not a little girl!' said Leah angrily, folding her arms across her chest. 'I'm nineteen and I'm Jim's intern.'

'Well to me you look like Alice who has just fell down the rabbit hole; lost and trying to clamber your way out. A prison is no place for someone like you.' said Brendan softly.

Leah stubbornly jutted out her chin. 'Is it because I'm a woman? Because the opinion that I can't do this job because I'm a woman is starting to get very boring.'

'It's nothing to do with what gender you are. You have innocence in your eyes and I wouldn't want you to loose it. It's only when it's taken from you that you desperately want it back.' answered Brendan.

'Is that what happened to you?' asked Leah boldly, her blue eyes meeting his.

Brendan looked almost amused for a second. 'You're not like the others, you're not afraid of me.'

'Should I be?' asked Leah.

'I murdered my Da and four others in cold blood, what makes you think I wouldn't do the same to you given half the chance?' Brendan leaned back in his chair, with a winning expression on his face.

Leah didn't know what made the next few words come out of her mouth, but she knew they were true as soon as she said them. 'Because I don't believe you would.'

Jim walked back into the room, causing Leah and Brendan to break eye contact. Brendan for a moment looked slightly unnerved, but he covered it up with an expression of complete indifference.

'I've got to get back to Hollyoaks, Carmel is doing her nut. We'll continue this another day and I really want you to think about what I've said to you Brendan. You could be a free man by the end of the month if you'd just listen to me.' said Jim.

'I've lost everything James.' answered Brendan coolly. 'What difference does another seven years make? Besides where else would I find such interesting company and a prime location like this again?'

Leah picked up some of Jim's folders and held them tightly to her chest. She resisted the urge to shout at him and ask why didn't her father feature in any of his plans. Didn't he realise what a mess he'd left behind? Maybe Brendan Brady belonged in a prison cell after all.

'You coming...Louise?' asked Jim.

'See you again Alice.' said Brendan, trying to figure out where he'd seen the girl before.

'You can count on it.' said Leah. She took one last look at Brendan and walked out of the room without looking back.

**Water Proof Ink**

'Are you happy now?' asked Jim, trying his best to keep his concentration on the road.

'Not really.' answered Leah. She was in fact quite disappointed; Brendan Brady was not who she'd expected it; she'd got it all wrong. He couldn't possibly be the man from her childhood and the one her father couldn't move on from. Brendan Brady was so cold and indifferent, Leah already didn't like him. She's gone searching for answers and only found more questions. 'Did you ever see Brendan and my Dad together?'

Jim looked thoughtful for a moment. 'A few times I guess, they always seemed to be arguing by that point.'

Leah frowned and glanced down at her chipped finger nails. 'What were they arguing about?'

'It's complicated.' answered Jim, shoving a sweet into his mouth. 'There was a man called Kevin Foster and he falsely accused Brendan of Sexual Assault. It took its toll on their relationship from what I saw and I guess they never had a chance to fix it, what with Brendan murdering Seamus soon after.'

Leah bit her lip. 'Why do you think he murdered Seamus?'

'Ah!' said Jim. 'Now that is something I'd love to know the answer to! Brendan still refuses to tell me why he did it.'

'Maybe he's just a monster.' she said angrily. But deep down a part of her didn't believe it, the same part of her that strangely believed that he wouldn't hurt her or anyone else.

'Things are always a lot more complicated than that.' said Jim. 'You, your Dad and Lucas obviously used to love him; he can't be all bad. He's actually quite an intelligent man when you get to know him, even if he does come off as a little scary at first.'

Leah made a non-committal noise, trying to make sense of everything in her head.

'Do you want dropping at home?' asked Jim, as they reached the outskirts of Hollyoaks village.

'No.' answered Leah; she couldn't really deal with facing her Dad at the minute. 'Just drop me in the village.'

**Water Proof Ink**

Five hours later Leah Barnes had drunk nearly a bottle full of vodka, with a little bit of coca cola thrown in of course. She kept going over and over the image of Brendan Brady handcuffed to the table in the prison. She didn't understand, couldn't understand. Why had her Dad loved him so much? Why didn't Brendan love her Dad enough to walk away and not murder Seamus Brady that night so long ago? Why was it her Dad seemed to be the only one who had suffered? She grabbed the glass in her hand and downed the rest of it. At some point she'd ended up in The Loft. She started to sway a little on the bar stall she was sitting on.

'Are you alright?' asked a man next to her.

Leah glanced at him and immediately noticed how good looking he was. He had big familiar blue eyes and messy brown hair. 'No.' she answered truthfully. the man was too good looking for his own good.

'Oh.' said the man. 'Want to talk about it?'

If Leah wasn't drunk, she would have realised what an unusual question this was for a complete stranger to ask. 'I met my Dad's old boyfriend today, haven't seen him in years. Funny thing is I didn't like him very much; he just made me dead angry and confused. So I'm drinking to forget. I don't want to think about any of it any more.'

The man looked thoughtful for a second. 'Why did it upset you so much?'

Leah bit her lip. 'He broke my Dad's heart and it's been broken ever since, I just want him to be happy but I don't think he can be properly any more. He left him, us, our family and he doesn't seem one bit sorry for it.'

'I know the feeling.' said the man softly.

Leah looked into his familiar blue eyes and smiled. She leant forward before common sense could stop her and kissed the man passionately on the lips. The man immediately wrapped his arms around her and they locked lips like they were the only two people in the world.


	3. Blue

**That you to everyone who read and reviewed :) Here is Chapter Three:)**

Leah opened one bleary eye and then the other. She was in a room, an unfamiliar room. The covers over her were stiff and felt as if they hadn't been slept in for long time. Leah lifted them up and realised that she was completely naked. She let out a long groan, glancing around the room for any sign of her clothes.

'Bugger.' she said out loud, wrapping a cover around her self. She started to gather up her wrinkled shirt and rumpled pencil skirt. Leah pulled them all on quickly, looking around for any sign of the man who she'd spent the night with. She looked down at the bedside cabinet and was relieved to discover her phone lying on top of it. Leah looked down at the screen and noticed eight missed calls from her Dad.

Leah quickly slipped out the room, clutching her phone. She glanced around the room and realised with a start that she was downstairs. The kitchen looked strangely familiar and she could hear the sound of a shower running nearby. She took one long last look around; noticing stairs leading to another level and that the living room was covered in a thick layer of dust. Leah practically ran out the front door, which consisted of two parts. She shut it quickly behind her and leaned against it breathing heavily.

Leah looked around and realised she was on the familiar path that lead to her Uncle Doug's old flat. She walked up to the railings and glanced down, noticing the Deli that her father used to own. Leah practically ran down the steps and carried on running until her feet hurt.

**Water Proof Ink**

'And where have you been?' said her Dad's voice from behind her as she entered the flat and headed towards the shower.

Leah's shoulders slumped heavily and she turned around to look at her Dad. She noticed that he was doing his best to look authoritative, but failing horribly. 'I met someone.' she answered truthfully.

'Yeah.' said Ste. 'I guessed that, ever heard of the amazing invention called the phone?'

Leah looked down. 'Sorry' she answered. 'I was busy.'

Ste still seemed to be struggling between questioning her about her mysterious man or chastising her some more. 'You could have been lying in a ditch for all I knew. Your Mum would go mental if she knew what you'd been up to.'

Leah rolled her eyes, slipping off her uncomfortable shoes. 'She did a lot worse at my age.'

'That's not the point.' answered Ste, knowing he couldn't argue with her statement.

'I don't usually do this type of thing. If I remember rightly you and Mum were practically bringing home new 'Daddies' every other week around my age.' Leah cringed when she saw her Dad flinch as if he'd been hit.

'Your Mum and I aren't perfect.' said Ste calmly. 'But we want you to learn from our mistakes. Just make sure you text me if you're staying out for the night again. You never know who's out there; my friend Rae was killed by a nutter who had an obsession with young girls.'

Leah bit her lip, feeling more and guiltier. 'I'm sorry Dad.'

Ste smiled at her. 'Alright, just make sure it doesn't happen again.' he put his arms around her and the two shared a long hug. 'Now go get a shower, you smell proper rank. I'll make you some breakfast.'

Around half an hour later the two sat in the living room watching the early morning cartoons. Leah tried to ignore her banging headache, the bad taste in her mouth and the way bright light seemed to make her forehead want to explode. She hungrily tucked into the bacon and egg sandwich that her Dad had made her.

'So...' said Ste, glancing away from the television. 'What was his name?'

Leah froze as the sandwich was half way to her mouth. 'I don't know.'

'Leah!' said Ste, seeming yet again torn between his fatherly instincts and the part of him that wanted her to dish the dirt. 'That's not like you, he must have been pretty nice.' he waggled his eyebrows.

Leah chewed her sandwich thoughtfully. 'He was gorgeous, big blue eyes and brown hair. I think he was Irish too. I think I read in one of the women's magazines that apparently Irish men make the best lovers.' she looked at her Dad for any sign of recognition.

Ste dropped the sandwich he was eating and pushed the plate away, his appetite was suddenly lost.

'Dad' started Leah tentatively. 'I was filing some old paper work yesterday and I saw a file about Lucas and me. It said you and a man called Brendan Brady nearly started a custody battle for us.'

Ste's usual golden colour seemed to have switched to a sickly white. 'That was a long time ago.'

Leah decided to push further; she had started something and was determined to finish it. 'Who was Brendan Brady?'

Ste began to fidget erratically. 'He was no-one, just some man I used to go out with.' his body language said differently.

'He can't just be just a nobody Dad. I remember that you left Uncle Doug for him, he moved into the flat. The pictures are still up over there, he's even in some of them.' Leah knew she was clutching at straws, but she needed an explanation for all her confused memories. 'You must have loved him, he must have loved us.'

Ste stood up. 'All Brendan Brady ever loved was himself.' he said bitterly, he walked out the room and straight into the bathroom.

Leah was sure she could hear her Dad crying under the noise of the shower. She'd never felt so guilty in her entire life.

**Water Proof Ink **

Jim looked at Leah worriedly as he shoved almost an entire sandwich into his mouth. 'You're quiet today.' he said, spraying crumbs everywhere.

Leah glanced down at her nails. 'I accidentally upset my Dad.'

'Ah.' said Jim awkwardly.

'I tried to talk to him about Brendan Brady and he just shut down.' Leah glanced down at her phone; her Dad still wasn't answering her text messages. 'He spends so much time pretending he's okay and happy, sometimes I forget how fragile he is underneath it all.'

Jim turned into the prison car park and looked around for a space. 'I'm going to say something to you Leah and you're probably not going to like it. Sometimes the past is supposed to stay in the past. Some people have scabs over great big open wounds from years and years ago. Your Dad is obviously one of these people, you aren't going to help the healing process by picking and picking at the scab. Sometimes the past is better off staying...well in the past.'

'You think I should keep out of it?' asked Leah.

Jim slid the car into a space by the prison's front entrance. 'No I'm asking you to think about what you hope to achieve by sticking your nose into something that happened years ago. Brendan is thirteen years into a twenty year sentence and isn't getting out any time soon.'

Leah bit her lip. 'Then why on earth are you pushing for this appeal?'

'I'm not; it's his sister Cheryl who is. Brendan has stayed completely tight lipped about all five murders and shows no sign of providing any new evidence into what actually happened.' Jim ran a hand through his thinning hair. 'Everyone perceives his silence as guilt and this makes my job as his lawyer extremely complicated.'

'Does that mean we're going to loose the appeal?' asked Leah.

'Pretty much.' answered Jim. 'Unless you've got any bright ideas. Personally I think Flo Brady died of natural causes, she was ill and her post-mortem provided an inconclusive result. I believe Simon Walker was suicide, the man's mental state was in no shape or form stable since the death of his brother - his old colleagues even back this up. Michael Cornish's body was never found and both Joel Dexter (his step-son) and his mother have supported my theory that the man may be alive and out there somewhere.'

Leah searched her mind, trying to remember the other two names in the file she'd studied so heavily. 'So that just leaves Danny Houston and Seamus Brady then?'

Jim nodded. 'He definitely murdered Danny Houston, but new evidence I collected from a Mr Warren Fox suggests it was in self defence. So I might even be able to get that charge reduced down to manslaughter. Which means he potentially he could have already served his time for that.'

'So it's just Seamus Brady?' asked Leah thoughtfully.

'Well it would be if Brendan backed up any of my theories. He hasn't breathed a word since his confession on the Hollyoaks balcony.'

Leah frowned, thinking of her father. 'Why won't he help himself?'

Jim began to rummage in his brief case. 'Do you really want to know what I think?'

'Yes.'

'I think he's protecting someone. There were three people in the club that night: Brendan, Cheryl and Seamus. Brendan's confession was recorded by the local news, there's even a copy of it in the local archives. On the surface to the public and police he is unquestionably guilty. But it's when you start to dig further into the case that things don't add up.'

Leah could feel goose bumps beginning to form on her arms, as a cold chill ran through her. 'What do you mean?'

Jim looked around the car park, almost expecting someone to be listening in on their conversation. 'The video footage from the club that night is still missing. Both Cheryl and Brendan's stories don't add up and the pathologist reports suggest that someone a lot shorter than Brendan was the real culprit.'

'Why haven't you told anyone?' asked Leah.

Jim frowned. 'Of course I have. But the police were desperate to believe Brendan Brady was their man, they were after him for years. Why question things when an obvious answer is given to you on a plate? They still believe they have the right man, people are never big fans of conspiracy theories.'

Leah was silent for a moment. 'So Brendan isn't helping his case because...he's protecting someone?'

'Exactly!' said Jim. 'If we disprove three of the five murders Brendan has been sent down for, how long will it be until people start questioning the other two?'

'So...so if we could prove this, then we might be able to get him released?' asked Leah excitedly.

'Yes!' said Jim, pleased that the two were now on the same page. 'But the big problem is getting Brendan to agree to it all.'

Leah felt like hitting her head against the car dash broad. How were they supposed to prove Brendan Brady's innocence when he wouldn't back up Jim's theories? Didn't he realise that he'd get to be reunited with her Dad? She tried to ignore the voice that was suggesting that maybe Brendan didn't feel the same way about her Dad any more. What if she went to all of this effort with Jim and Brendan went off with some bloke he'd met in prison? No, she was going to get to the bottom of this no matter what. She was going to find out exactly what happened all years ago and try to fix it.

Then like a lightening bolt the truth of who murdered Seamus Brady hit her. Ste Hay had never been the same since Brendan Brady had been taken away from him; he even had nightmares to this very day. Every time any reference to his life with Brendan was mentioned her Dad would experience some type of breakdown. He was haunted by something, what if it was guilt? What if...What if there were four people in the club that night, instead of three. What if her Dad was the one who murdered Seamus Brady?


	4. Brown

**A massive thanks to everyone who took the time to read and review :) !**

It took three chocolate bars and a packet of digestive biscuits to make Jim agree to let Leah join him with Brendan Brady again. The thought that her Dad may have killed Seamus Brady was still weighing heavily on her mind and she was desperate to get to the bottom of it all. Leah knew she'd get no answers from her Dad about Brendan Brady, when she'd returned yesterday from her day with Jim he was back to acting as if nothing at all had happened that morning. She'd tentatively raised the subject again, only for him to pretend that he couldn't hear her. It hadn't helped that the work Jim had made her do yesterday was pretty dull and the only prisoner they visited was some strange woman called Claire, who used paint to make her finger nails red.

When Jim had texted her to say he was off to see Brendan Brady the next day she had almost jumped at the chance. Leah had so many questions and it seemed Brendan might be the only one to willingly give her answers. A part of her wanted to help him too, it wasn't right for him to be locked away if he hadn't done the murders he was in prison for. She rubbed her eyes, trying to force herself to stay awake. Leah hadn't slept well and had dreamed about giant insects dragging her Dad and Brendan away while she screamed at them to stop.

'The room's ready.' said the guard to Jim and Leah.

'Are you sure about this?' Jim asked quietly.

Leah rolled her eyes. 'Do you even have to ask?'

'Alright, but don't blame me when he shuts down on you.' replied Jim.

Leah followed Jim into the room and noticed Brendan was once again already present and chained to the table. His appearance didn't shock or scare her as much this time and instead she felt a shudder of excitement. The excitement was short lived, however, when Brendan shot her an icy look.

'Hello James, what's intern Barbie doing here?' asked Brendan.

Leah clenched her fists, forcing herself not to rise to his comment. She smiled instead and that seemed to make Brendan view her with even more confusion. 'Never liked Barbies much me, I used to draw all over them with my felt tips. I much preferred insects and bugs.' she tilted her chin in an act of defiance, saying with her eyes 'your move Brady'.

Brendan for a moment nearly smiled at her sass, but then changed his face to icy indifference again. 'Let me guess, this is the prison authority's new thing. They can't give me the death sentence, so they've sent in Britney to bore me to death with her life stories.'

'I'm not the one who used to have a Freddie Mercury moustache.' said Leah defiantly.

Jim coughed loudly and awkwardly. 'I didn't come here to listen to you to argue today. We've got the course case to talk about.'

'I'll behave if he does.' Leah fired back.

Brendan bared his teeth at Leah, before directing his attention back onto Jim. 'There is nothing to discuss James; I'm not changing my statement. This whole thing a waste of your time and Cheryl's money.'

'Why's it a waste of time?' asked Leah.

Brendan was quiet for a moment, shocked that she even had to ask. 'I'm guilty; I did all the things I confessed to. Or did you have some pretty little fairy tale in your head that it was all some big mistake and I'm the victim of some massive miscarriage of justice. Perhaps you think I just tripped and fell on the gun that killed my Da.'

'Bullshit.' said Leah, slamming her hands down hard on the table.

'Louise!' said Jim.

Leah folded her arms and fixed Brendan with a glare. 'We both know you're lying, so please don't treat us like we're idiots. I don't understand why you want to stay in here, when you could be free. So it must mean you're protecting someone, but are they a good enough reason for you to rot in jail? There must be something out there for you.'

Brendan looked at her intently, as if she was some sort of puzzle he was yet to figure out. 'Brendan Brady died that day on the balcony. There is nothing left for me out there any more.'

Leah stood up, knowing she needed to get out of the room before she lost her temper. She reached the door before turning round to look at Brendan one last time. 'I went to school with Leah Barnes; I got to know her Dad pretty well. If you could see Steven Hay and see how much he has struggled since you were imprisoned. Brendan Brady died that day, well so did Steven Hay. Maybe you wouldn't be so quick to say that there's nothing left for you outside any more... Or maybe what he once said to me was right, you're only capable of loving yourself.'

She blindly left the room and shot straight past the guard who was too busy doing a crossword to notice her tears. She practically ran into the toilets and stood in front of the mirror, gripping both sides of the sink. Tears were freely falling from her eyes, tears of frustration and hopelessness. It was all one big waste of time and she'd probably lost her placement with Jim now. If Brendan Brady wanted to rot in here then he could just go ahead and do just that.

**Water Proof Ink**

'That was very unprofessional.' said Jim sternly.

Leah closed her eyes, knowing what was coming. 'I know. I'm sorry, I understand if you don't want me to be your intern any more.'

Jim was thoughtful for a moment. 'If you'd done that with anyone else I would be thinking about letting you go, but instead I have a proposition for you.'

'Okay...' said Leah, uncertain.

'If I could win the Brendan Brady appeal it would probably be the biggest success of my career.' started Jim. 'But I've known for a while the whole case is pretty hopeless because Brendan won't co-operate with me. But today I saw something in him I've never seen before.'

Leah bit her lip. 'What did you see?'

'I saw Brendan actually having an interest in both you and what you had to say.' answered Jim. 'In the thirteen years I've been his lawyer I have never seen him react to anyone like he has you.'

'He hates me.' muttered Leah.

'Actually I think he quite likes and respects you. I asked him whether he wanted me to take you off his case and he said no. After you'd gone he agreed to think about changing his story about what happened to Simon Walker.' Jim looked excited at this new development.

'Is that good news?' asked Leah.

'Yes! You've performed an impossible feat today Leah, you made a mountain move. It gives me hope that maybe he'll be moved on over aspects of his confession.' Jim eyed her thoughtfully. 'This is why I'd like the Brendan Brady case to become your main subject of concentration. I'd like you to keep seeing him, just talk to him, chip away and see if you can talk any further sense into him.'

'But I didn't do anything.' muttered Leah.

'No,' answered Jim. 'But in my personal opinion you're just like your father and I think that's why you're the only one who can help him see sense.'

Leah bit her lip. 'Can I think about it?'

Jim nodded and helped himself to a biscuit. 'Don't take too long though.' he bit into the biscuit and let out a happy sigh. 'I was never going to get rid of you, where would I be without all this lovely food you keep giving me?'

**Water Proof Ink**

Leah was in the biscuit aisle of Price Slice when she saw him, the man she'd spent the night with. She ducked down below the shelves, admiring him from a distance. He was a lot younger than she remembered; he didn't look to be much older than her. His hair looked soft and messy, like it had just been washed and she was startled that a part of her longed to reach out and touch it. The most striking thing about him was his intense blue eyes and the way he had a vulnerability to him, which made him stand out from everyone else.

'What are you doing?' asked Cindy from behind her.

Leah tried to push herself further into the shelving. 'Just pretend I'm not here.' she muttered.

Cindy raised a perfectly pruned eyebrow at her. 'You' haven't decided to go on the nick like your Dad used to, have you?'

'No,' said Leah through gritted teeth. 'I just don't want him to see me.' she glanced towards the man's direction, hoping Cindy would get the hint.

Cindy made an appreciative noise. 'Hmm...Very nice. You're punching well above your weight there.' she coughed loudly so the man looked in their direction.

Leah swore internally when he noticed his eyes on the two of them. She picked up a packet of custard creams, wishing they were big enough to hide behind. Please don't come over, please don't come over, she chanted again and again in her mind.

'Hi Leah.' said a soft Irish voice.

Crap! Leah put the custard creams down, like holding them in front of her face was the most normal thing in the world. 'Hi.' her voice came out in a high pitched squeak.

Cindy winked at them both. 'You can thank me later and I'll be checking inside that bag of yours on the way out, I'll know if any of the biscuits are missing.'

Leah tried to smile, but she was sure it looked more like a grimace. 'Look,' she started, not allowing him to talk. 'I'm sorry about the other night, it was a mistake. I'm not the type of girl you think I am and you really don't have to stand there making awkward conversation with me.'

The man's eyebrows shot up. 'I don't think you're any type of girl, I just came over to be friendly. It's not often I get to meet a girl who was so unimpressed by me that she ran away while I was in the shower.'

Leah felt her cheeks burning red. 'I'm sorry about that, I was embarrassed. Like I said I don't usually do that kind of thing.'

He glanced around Price Slice to check no-one was listening to their conversation. 'I don't do that type of thing either. My Mum would kill me if she knew.' he let out an awkward laugh.

Leah was once again taken aback at how young and vulnerable he looked. 'She sounds about as fun as my Mum.'

He shrugged. 'My Mum hasn't really had that much to worry in terms of girls. From where I come from in Ireland I can't even cough without someone telling my Mum about it. My Dad...My Dad did a bad thing so no-ones really been that interested. Sometimes people look at me like I'm a ticking time bomb waiting to go off.'

Leah's mouth fell open a little at his open honesty. 'Well...I.'

The smile on his face began to fade. 'I've said too much again haven't I? It's just I came over here a week ago and I haven't really gotten to know anyone yet.'

She found herself smiling for the first time that day. 'Do you want to go for a coffee?'

His face lit up into a smile. 'Alright then.'

**Water Proof Ink**

Leah scoped the foam from her cappuccino into her mouth, sneaking glances at the man in front of her every few seconds. 'Your flat is pretty dirty.' she said, before she could stop herself.

He smiled at her. 'It's not my flat, it's my Auntie's. She hasn't lived in it for a long time. I didn't realise a clean flat was what girls looked for in their one night stands.'

'It's hardly a one night stand now, we're sat here having coffee.' said Leah. She glanced down at her phone and noticed her Mum was trying to ring. Leah pulled a face before dropping the call.

The man glanced at her and then the phone questionably.

'It was my Mum,' explained Leah. 'We don't exactly get on at the minute. I live with my Dad and what ever bloke he's attempting to make a go of it with.' she glanced up to see if he had any reaction to her admission about her Dad being gay. She was relieved when he didn't seem at all bothered.

'My Dad's gay too.' he said simply. 'Though the way my Ma talks about it, you'd think he had some incurable disease. In fact you'd think my Dad was some type of mass murderer the way she goes on about him too.'

Leah thought about her own Mum and Dad, suddenly feeling an intense pride in them. 'I live with my Dad; he's a pretty cool guy. My Mum's okay in small doses too, they still get on really well.'

He smiled wishfully. 'I never really got to know my Dad; he wasn't exactly the paternal type while my brother and I were growing up. I guess that's why I've come to stay in my Aunt's flat for a bit, I'm hoping it'll give me some type of insight to what he was like as a person.'

Leah smiled ironically. 'Maybe that's why we were drawn to each other in the club the other night then, seems like we're both looking for answers.'

'Don't you sometimes feel like it just creates more questions?'

'All the time.' answered Leah. 'Can I ask you something?'

'Sure.' he answered.

'If someone you loved was hurting and you knew there was something you could do to maybe fix it. Would you do it? Even if it meant delving into things that aren't really any of your business and there was a genuine chance you could make things worse.' Leah looking at him desperately, hoping this stranger held the answer.

He was quiet for a moment, contemplating what she'd just said. 'I think I would do whatever it takes to make them happy again. Life's too short to live with regrets.'

Leah stood up. 'You're right! I've got to go.' she downed the last of her coffee. 'I'll see you around?'

'Sure.' he answered, trying to hide his disappointment.

Leah was almost to the door, when something made her turn and go back to their table. 'I didn't even get your name.'

He smiled charmingly at her. 'It's Paddy.'


	5. Orange

**Thank you so much to everyone who read/reviewed the last chapter! An even bigger thanks to Claire on Twitter who keeps bugging me to update and Electric Violinist (who proof read a section of this and helped me when I was ready to throw the lap top out of the window). Hope you all enjoy this :)**

Leah slammed the door to her Dad's flat and quickly rushed into the kitchen, ready to raid the cupboards for anything substantial to eat. She was almost taken aback when she realised she was not alone and that her Dad, Aunt Sinead and a man who she'd never met were sitting at the table. There was something about the way the three of them were sat together that made her suspicious. She immediately panicked, wondering if her Dad knew about her visits to Brendan Brady.

'You alright?' asked Ste, awkwardly smiling at her.

Leah eyed him thoughtfully, sensing that something was a miss. 'What's going on?'

It was her Aunt Sinead that answered the question. 'This is Graham; he's a friend of mine. He and your Dad were just about to go out for lunch together.'

Leah's eyebrows shot up. 'Lunch...as in a date?'

'Yeah.' answered Ste; he looked down unable to meet her eyes.

Leah turned her attention to Graham, he didn't actually look too bad but she already sensed neediness in him. Her Dad always attracted the needy ones; her Uncle Doug was a prime example of it. 'Listen...Gary.'

'It's Graham,' answered the man, finally looking at her. Before he had been too busy staring at Ste, like he'd won the lottery.

'Graham.' said Leah firmly; she ignored the warning look her Aunt was giving her. 'I'm sure you're a lovely guy but this whole thing is one big waste of time.'

'Leah!' hissed Sinead.

Leah waved her hand. 'You will date my Dad and think he's absolutely wonderful for about two months. Then after the two months are over you'll probably move into this flat, it'll all be fine until you have a blazing row and break-up because you want commitment and he doesn't. I'm not being horrible, it's just what always happens. So you can either go on this date right now, all save three months of hassle and just leave through that door right over there.'

'Maybe I should leave...' started Graham.

'No!' said Ste, his eyes flashing. 'Leah's going to apologise to you because she's proper out of order. Aren't you Leah?'

Leah let out a snort, but internally she was beginning to waver. 'Er...no.'

Gary (or was his name Graham?) stood up awkwardly. 'I'm going to go.' he quickly stood up and practically ran out of the front door, not caring when it slammed behind him. Leah wondered whether she should have used this approach to all her Dad's new men from the beginning, it seemed to work pretty well.

'Well thanks for that Leah.' said Sinead, 'I've been trying to set them up for nearly three months.'

'Waste of a three months if you ask me.' shot Leah back. For some reason she was feeling extremely fractious. Maybe it was because of last night, when she'd stayed up past four AM going over and over the Brendan Brady case notes. All the words had eventually blurred into one big inky mess and she was no closer to figuring out how she was going to go about getting Brendan Brady to change his story.

'I'll leave you two to sort this out.' declared Sinead, looking like she'd quite happily sort Leah out herself. She picked up her bag and let herself out the front door.

Ste waited about thirty seconds before exploding. 'What was all that about?'

'What was all what about?' asked Leah nonchalantly.

'You were dead rude to Sinead's friend, which ain't like you at all.' answered Ste. 'the only person I've ever heard you being rude to is your Mum.'

Leah ran a hand through her hair. 'Maybe I'm just tired of everything.'

'Like what?' asked Ste .

Leah bit her lip, knowing she was about to regret what she was about to say. 'What ever you're trying to do it needs to stop. I can't deal with it any more; it's making us both miserable. These men you keep dating aren't going to fill the hole that Brendan Brady left in your life. It's not fair on you or them. I'm tired of watching you struggle, it's like you're trying to force a square shape into a circle hole. It doesn't fit and it never will.'

Ste flinched as if he'd been burnt. 'We're so not having this conversation.'

'Well somebody has got to have this conversation with you!' exclaimed Leah. 'I'm not like Aunt Sinead who will believe you when you say you're fine. You're not me any more and it's time you talked about it. It's time you told me the truth about Brendan Brady.'

'I can't,' said Ste softly, his voice catching with emotion. 'I can't talk to you about him or what happened. I have to ignore it and hope one day it'll just go away. If I talk about Brendan or allow myself to even think about him then its game over for me. If I don't let myself think about him or what happened then I can almost pretend I'm okay and be normal. I can almost pretend that he was never a part of my life. But each reminder of him makes me loose another piece of myself and I haven't got any more pieces left to give. All Brendan left me was ashes and you can't blame me for trying to claw something back Leah.'

'Dad,' said Leah softly, trying to stop the tears in her eyes from falling. 'I didn't know, I'm sorry.' she stepped forward to hug him, but he automatically stepped away from her reach.

'I know you've got questions Leah,' said Ste, 'but I know you won't like the answers. So please just let Brendan Brady rest in peace, he's dead to us both.'

'But Dad-'

'This conversation if over Leah, I'll go and make us some lunch.' answered Ste robotically.

Leah stepped backwards, suddenly unable to look at her Dad. He's shut down on her yet again, just when she felt she was finally getting somewhere with him. She couldn't let this go like he wanted, not when Brendan Brady was alive and well in a prison cell just a few miles away.

**Water Proof Ink**

Leah almost ran out of Price Slice her arms full of biscuits and smacked straight into a solid wall of muscle. She fell backwards and was bracing herself for impact when a pair of arms shot out to catch her. The biscuits on the other hand weren't so lucky. Leah felt furious with herself; if she wasn't so deep in thought about her Dad and Brendan then it never would have happened.

She found herself once again gazing into a pair of familiar blue eyes and almost let out a groan. Paddy awkwardly let go of her, his face tinged with pink. Leah couldn't help but feel frustrated that the fates had decided they couldn't just have a one night stand and never see each other again. No, they had to keep running into each other on every occasion as a constant reminder to Leah of her drunken mistake. She bent down to pick up the smashed packets of biscuits, trying not to let him see the uncertainty on her face.

Paddy raised an eyebrow, bending down to help her pick up her shopping 'We've got to stop meeting like this, people will begin to talk...Biscuits again?'

'They're one of your five a day, didn't you know?' answered Leah.

Paddy rolled his eyes. 'What? Along with cheese, crisps and chocolate? No wonder you were so drunk the other day if all you'd had was biscuits to line your stomach.'

Leah shot him an unimpressed look. 'I'll have you know my Dad made me a packed lunch that day.'

'What are you, twelve?' asked Paddy, letting out a laugh. 'What did your lunch box have on it? My Little Pony?'

Leah raised an eyebrow at him, glancing at the bag in his hands. 'Coming from the man whose shopping consists of a microwavable lasagne and a bumper pack of bacon.'

'I'm a growing boy.' said Paddy. 'Bet you'd love my brother, he's a vegetarian.' he said the word vegetarian like it was something obnoxious.

'Does he at least clean up after himself?' asked Leah.

Paddy pulled a face. 'He's Mum's golden boy, why ever would he need to do that?'

'Well you're obviously both Mummies boys then, if neither of you know how to cook and clean.' said Leah.

'She's very traditional my Mum, too traditional if you ask me. You should have heard her earlier when I rang to tell her I'd got a job in that club the Loft.' Declan glanced up towards the club, which seemed to stand almost ominously in the middle of the village.

Leah felt her stomach drop slightly; she'd always had a bad feeling about The Loft. But perhaps that was more to do with her knowledge of the murders that had taken place both in and outside of it. 'Perhaps you'll be able to afford some cleaning products with that new found wealth of yours.'

'If you're so bothered by it, why don't you come round and clean it?' asked Paddy boldly.

'Do I look like Cinderella to you?' Leah shot back.

Paddy's eyes glistened with mirth. 'I might even let you cook for me, if you're lucky.'

'You want me to come round to your flat and cook for you? What century do you live in?'

Paddy's cheeks flushed red. 'Well actually it's more of an excuse to see more of you, but it looks like you've gone and caught me out.' he shuffled awkwardly from foot to foot.

'Leah!' shouted Jim.

Leah nearly jumped in shocked, noticing Jim parked nearby shouting her from his open car window. 'I've got to go. Listen I...' the sound of Jim's car horn interrupted what she was about to say.

'Don't worry.' said Paddy, putting on a forced smile. 'Forget I said anything, I was silly to think I stood a chance with a girl like you.' he walked away, not allowing her to say another word.

Leah couldn't help but feel a pang of remorse as she walked towards Jim's car, knowing Paddy was the second person she'd managed to unintentionally hurt that day.

**Water Proof Ink **

Silence, silence was all that greeted Leah Barnes during her first three meetings with Brendan Brady. It had nearly been a week since that fateful day where she'd confronted her Dad and hurt Paddy. Silence seemed to becoming a theme with nearly all the men in her life, the only ones who seemed to be talking to her was her brother Lucas (who was away in America being a Soccer camp counsellor) and Jim.

Her Dad's silences were not ones that anyone on the outside world would openly see. He still spoke to her on a daily basis, laughed, joked around and even danced sometimes; but he was mentally distant from her. She sometimes caught him staring at her with a haunted look in his eyes, but as soon as she noticed he turned away and his mask of indifference would be back. Paddy on the other hand wasn't even a physical presence in her life any more. She'd sent him several texts to the number he'd give her and even went as far as to knock on his door a few times, but it seemed he'd vanished just as quickly as he'd appeared.

'Whisky.' said Brendan.

Leah dropped the pen she'd been tapping against the table; almost sure that she'd imagined it. 'Whisky?'

'It's what I've missed the most in this place.' answered Brendan, like it was the most normal thing in the world.

Leah swallowed hard. 'Are you trying to say you'd consider changing your statement if I get you some whisky?'

Brendan eyed her thoughtfully. 'Surprisingly on this occasion Alice, the answer to this question does not lie at the bottom of a bottle. Do yourself a favour and run home to Mummy and Daddy; you're wasting your time in here with me.'

'My parents are separated and actually it's your time I'm wasting, all these hours we've had together go towards the completion of my internship.' said Leah, looking him straight in the eyes. 'You on the other hand are missing out on all sorts of prison related delights, I hear dropping the soap whilst in the shower is at the top on many prisoner's lists.'

'Does James know you talk to his clients like this?' asked Brendan, he sounded more amused than angry.

'No, are you going to tell him?' asked Leah.

'No, I like yer spirit.' Brendan answered truthfully. 'Don't get many people in here who aren't afraid of me.'

Leah chewed her lip thoughtfully. 'I could be wrong, but it might be the whole five murders thing. Makes people a bit weary.'

'Who are you?' asked Brendan suddenly.

Leah felt taken aback by the question. 'Shouldn't it be me asking who you are?'

'I asked first.'

'I'm Jim's intern, Louise.' answered Leah.

'You're lying,' stated Brendan, 'you blink a lot when you lie.'

Leah cocked an eyebrow at him. 'Well you fiddle with your beard every time you say you murdered your Dad. Guess neither of us are very good liars.'

'Why do you want to spend your summer with a murderer?' asked Brendan. 'Was there nothing good on TV at your house?'

Leah snorted. 'I live in Hollyoaks, spending time with one murderer is better than several.' She glanced down at her watch, noticing they were already five minutes over their time together. 'Well as fun as this has been, I've got to go.' she went to pick up the pile of paper she'd brought into the room, but the whole lot slipped through her fingers. 'Bugger.' she muttered, quickly gathering up her many stray bits of paper. 'I'll see you in a few days.'

Leah was half way to the door when Brendan's voice stopped her.

'Stephen,' he said softly.

Leah turned, her heart hammering in her head. 'What about him?'

For a moment Brendan's eyes showed true pain and his face was filled with vulnerability. Leah couldn't quite place where she'd seen that expression before.

'Is he...is he okay?' his voice was reluctant, almost as if he couldn't believe he was asking the question.

'No,' answered Leah truthfully. 'But to the outside world he seems to be, so I guess that's all that matters right?' she slipped out of the room unable to look back. She knew if she looked back then she'd end up telling him everything and that couldn't happen.

**Water Proof Ink**

Leah stepped into the sunshine and took a deep breath. Her meeting with Brendan had been almost as fruitful as the last two; she was beginning to think that Jim had made a mistake trusting her with this task. How was she supposed to get Brendan Brady to change his mind when he would hardly talk to her?

A car screeched into the prison car park, travelling so fast that Leah hardly had time to blink before it came to an erratic halt right in front of her. She started to cough and her eyes watered from the cloud of dust the car covered her in.

'Get in!' said a voice.

Leah had no time to react as the left hand door flew open and she was bundled into the passenger seat of the unfamiliar car.


	6. Grey

**Thank you so much again to everyone who takes the time to review/people for their lovely comments about this fic on twitter. I hope you enjoy the next chapter :) **

Leah couldn't help but think the woman behind the wheel of the car was beautiful, even if she had kidnapped by her in broad day light from a prison car park. She was speeding along the streets as if she owned them, not bothered about red lights or speed limits. Leah couldn't help but admire her style, even if she was most likely a psychopath. In her mind she made a mental list of all Jim's clients she'd pissed off in her own special way, it didn't bode well that there were quite a few names on it. Leah was only sitting quietly like a good little intern because the woman had told her she had some information about one of Jim's cases.

'Are you going to tell me where we're going?' asked Leah, staring at the woman intently.

'I told you, we're going to a nice restaurant to have a chat and some food.' answered the woman.

Leah raised an eyebrow at this, not many kidnappers offered to wine and dine you. She once again looked at the woman who had a golden tan and was dressed extremely sophisticatedly. She actually looked like that female singer her Dad still raved on about, Cheryl-what's-her-face. Leah couldn't help but wonder how the woman could see to drive, when the sunglasses on her face were so big.

'You know kidnapping someone isn't the right way to make friends.' said Leah. 'If you wanted to have a chat, you could have just approached me and asked like a normal person. You could be arrested for what you've just done.'

The car suddenly screeched to a halt.

The woman tried to compose herself. 'Listen love, we're a good twenty minutes by car from Hollyoaks village. If I let you out here it'll take you about an hour to walk back and its forecast to rain.' said the woman calmly. 'So you can either listen to what I have to say or get out.'

Leah bit her lip, the idea of walking home didn't exactly appeal to her. But what was the alternative? Let the mad woman take her on a drive into the countryside? She also some how doubted that the police would believe her story that Cheryl what's-her-face had kidnapped her.

'How do I know you're not going to kill me?' asked Leah boldly.

The woman let out a snort. 'Have you seen my shoes? I'm not ruining them trying to dispose of a body. Plus do you know how much it costs to get my nails to look like this? Believe it or not, but I want to help you and this is the only way I could think of.'

'I'd love to see the things you do to the people you don't want to help.' muttered Leah under her breath.

The car started to move again and Leah couldn't help but wish she'd got out when she'd had the chance. She glanced down at her phone in relief; at least she still had that. It was pure curiosity that was the only thing making her not ring the police, plus this woman felt familiar to her some how. The car came to a halt in a pub car park and this helped Leah to calm down a little. The woman took off her sunglasses and something in Leah's mind clicked into place.

'I know you!' cried Leah.

'I was wondering how long it would take you to click on,' answered the woman. 'You always were a clever kid. Come on let's go inside and get a drink and a bite to eat.'

'I can't remember your name.' said Leah, following the woman up the path towards the pub.

'It's Mitzeee.'

**Water Proof Ink**

'I'm sorry if I scared you earlier.' said Mitzeee softly, 'I never was good at forward thinking. I just knew that I needed to talk to you, but didn't want your Dad finding out about it. I've been trying for days to see you but nothing was working, so I got a bit desperate.' she ripped open a bag of brown sugar and poured it into her cappuccino.

Leah stared down at her orange juice, unsure of what to say. She now wished she'd ordered alcohol for this awkward meeting, but she'd felt so under the weather since the last time she'd drank. She'd even had to stop herself from being sick when she'd smelt her Dad cooking breakfast that morning.

'It's fine if you don't want to talk to me after what I just did, I could just take you home and we could pretend this never happened.' the tone of her voice made it sound as if this was the last thing she wanted to happen.

'We've come this far so I might as well hear you out.' decided Leah. 'But if you pull any more stunts I'm going to call a taxi and tell my Dad everything when I get home.'

Mitzeee nodded. 'I couldn't face seeing your Dad at the minute, not knowing what I do. So I guess I've taken the easy way out and decided to talk to you instead.'

Leah could feel her curiosity growing by the minute. 'Talk to me about what?'

'Brendan.' answered Mitzeee simply.

Leah froze, putting down the glass of orange juice that had been half way to her lips. 'How do you know about Brendan?'

Mitzeee rolled her eyes. 'The man was practically a brother to me, it's only right that I've kept an eye on what's been going on with him. Although I'm not supposed to know about the appeal, Jim took out an order to keep any information about it out of the public eye.'

'Then how did you find out?' asked Leah.

'I have a friend who's a reporter; she was going to do an article on it. She picked up the phone as soon as she heard the appeal was going ahead.' Mitzeee glanced down at her coffee, as if hoping to find answers in the foam. 'I came back here especially from America to watch the proceedings.'

Leah glanced around the pub to check no-one was listening to their conversation. 'What does this have to do with my Dad and me?'

'Everything. I know you're involved in the Brendan Brady case somehow and I'd bet my entire life savings in America that your reasons are mostly based on wanting to help your Dad some how.'

Leah shrugged like what Mitzeee had said didn't mean a thing to her. 'I'm Jim's intern, nothing else. I'm helping him with the Brendan Brady case out of duty, that's as far as it goes. I want to stress to you too that the case is confidential, I'm not allowed to discuss it with you in any detail.'

'You look like, him.' said Mitzeee softly. 'Even though you're not properly his through blood. You've got the same look in your eyes that he used to have. You'd take on the world tomorrow if it meant keeping those you love happy and safe. Is Ste still like that?'

Leah bit her lip. 'Some days he is. Some days he's flying so high it's like nothing in the world can bring him down.'

'And the other days?' asked Mitzeee.

'The other days he's like a ghost and his eyes carry the most haunted look in them.' answered Leah truthfully. 'But he thinks I don't notice because he has got so good at pretending over the years.'

Mitzeee looked thoughtful for a moment. 'I know you don't trust me, but I want you to know that you can. I saw Brendan and Ste's relationship first hand; a love like there's doesn't just die. It stays with you and the what ifs eat away at your very being. You can't escape the absence they leave, no matter how much you try.' she sounded as if she knew this from first hand experience.

'When was the last time you saw Brendan?' demanded Leah.

'Thirteen years ago,' said Mitzeee. 'He doesn't ever accept my visitation orders.'

'That's a long time to stay friends with someone who doesn't want to know.' said Leah thoughtfully.

Mitzeee raised an eyebrow at her. 'Coming from the girl who only knew him briefly as a child and yet still wants to save him even now.'

'I want to save my Dad.' said Leah defensively. 'I'm all out of ideas on how to fix him. I wouldn't be doing this if I thought there was any other way.'

'Have you got a time machine? There are a lot of things I'd like to fix too.'

Leah let out a sigh. 'Isn't it time you tell me why you brought me here, it's obvious that it isn't for a chat.'

One of the workers of the pub came over carrying there meals. He placed a salad in front of Mitzeee and a burger in front of Leah. Leah tried not to feel awkward as she tucked into the greasy treat in front of her; she always hated eating with other women when they only ordered lettuce leaves. Her Dad was a chef, meaning that Leah always had a healthy appetite for food.

'Do you know why Jim has made sure this appeal has been kept out of the public eye?' asked Mitzeee, picking at her salad with her fork.

Leah swallowed a mouthful of burger. 'No.'

'I don't think Brendan wanted to give any one false hope.' said Mitzeee softly. It was obvious the 'anyone' she was referring to was Ste.

'Do you think it's possible they love each other still, even after all this time?' asked Leah.

'Yes,' answered Mitzeee without hesitation. 'A love like there's doesn't just disappear.'

Leah thought about her Dad who went into relationship after relationship, each one failing more spectacularly than the last. He always said it was because they weren't right, but maybe it was because they weren't Brendan. Even Brendan had seemed desperate to hear any news about Ste, even the sparse few words she'd said seemed to have caused him great pain. How was it possible they still unwaveringly loved each other after thirteen years? It was an idea that Leah found hard to comprehend.

'What do you want from me?' asked Leah finally.

Mitzeee placed down her fork and looked Leah straight in the eyes. 'I want to help you with the Brendan Brady case. I know you're trying to get him to change his statement and I know he won't budge even for you. But if I dropped you some hints, maybe you could figure it out for yourself.'

'Hints about what?' asked Leah.

'Seamus Brady and Simon Walker.' answered Mitzeee.

Leah felt herself freeze at the names of Brendan's last two murder victims. 'What about them?'

Mitzeee looked awkward for a moment 'Neither were the angels that the prosecution made them out to be. Simon Walker killed my boyfriend and on the day he died Ste told me he threatened you and Lucas's lives too.'

Leah felt unable to speak, almost urging Mitzeee to continue with her mind.

'Did you know he also locked your Dad and Brendan's sister in a fridge?' asked Mitzeee. 'I once asked him before it all happened whether he ever felt like going after Walker and he told me that he had too much to loose. The thing he had to loose was you kids and Ste.'

'Are you trying to say Brendan killed Simon Walker to protect us?'

'Yes.' answered Mitzeee.

Leah pushed her plate of food away, no longer feeling hungry any more. 'We never asked him to do that.'

'He loved you all, he would have done anything to keep you all safe.' said Mitzeee softly.

Leah for some reason unknown to herself felt tears beginning to form at the sides of her eyes. 'What about Seamus Brady?' she asked, angrily wiping the tears away with her hand.

Mitzeee looked thoughtful for a second. 'He's the one you really want to look into. He's the true villain, not Brendan.'

**Water Proof Ink**

Leah wrapped her coat around herself as she stepped out of Mitzeee's car. It was raining and her coat was only thin. The water was beginning to soak through the fabric and her hair was already dripping wet. She was going to go straight home, but she'd got Mitzeee to drop her off in the village instead. Leah ran through the rain, dodging the puddles as she went. A quick trip into Price Slice armed her with everything she needed. As Leah ran up the steps towards her destination she felt oddly alive and full of anticipation.

Her conversation with Mitzeee had made her realise a few things, one of which was life was too short to let a misunderstanding get in the way a friendship or of something that could potentially become more. Her Dad had been in love with the same man for nearly fifteen years and yet they'd spent most of that time apart. Leah didn't know if she'd ever be able to feel that way about anyone, but she'd never know unless she tried.

Leah hadn't forgotten about Brendan or the things Mitzeee had hinted to her, she'd just decided to put it to the back of her mind for tonight. Tomorrow would be different; tomorrow afternoon she was going to see Brendan again, tomorrow was hopefully the day she'd be able to get some more answers. Tomorrow she was going to dig deep into who Seamus Brady and Simon Walker really were. But this evening was for the present and not the past. She needed to be in the company of someone who had nothing to do with Brendan Brady.

Leah knocked on the door as rain poured down her hair and face. The two parts of the door swung open, revealing a very dry looking Paddy. His expression was one of pure shock.

'Leah.' he said softly, gazing at her with a mixture of surprise and admiration. 'What are you doing here?'

She lifted up her bag full of shopping. 'I've got cleaning products and bacon, thought it was time I took you up on your offer.'

'Did you come here via a swimming pool?' asked Paddy, raising an eyebrow at her. He stepped aside so she could come into the dry flat.

Leah pulled off her coat and shook out her long blonde curly hair. 'I like to make an entrance.'

'Well you'll be making an entrance to the local A and E with pneumonia in a few days. You're lucky I let you in.' said Paddy.

'Did you think I was someone else?' asked Leah. Her stomach dropping thinking maybe he was expecting another girl.

'No,' said Paddy, quickly picking up on her discomfort. 'Just the pizza man, I've ordered a meat feast. Hope you're not expecting to have any though, I don't like to share my food.'

Leah rolled her eyes. 'Don't worry, I've eaten.' she glanced around the flat and pulled a face at the mess. 'It's actually worse than when I was last here.'

'Well I've been waiting for you to come round and clean it.' answered Paddy. He frowned slightly when he noticed she was shivering. 'I think there are some clothes and towels upstairs, they might be a bit musty. My Mum packed me about twenty towels, so I've still not got round to using any yet. It's the first door on the right, as you go upstairs, my Aunt's old room.'

Leah nodded and headed up there, finally beginning to feel the chill creeping over her skin. She stepped into Paddy's Aunt's old room and then froze; there was something about the room that gave her the creeps. The bed was unmade, as if somebody had only recently slept in it. It was like the room had just one day been left and was waiting in anticipation for its occupant to return. She swallowed hard and stepped towards the wardrobe, noticing a lot of clothes sitting on the bottom of it like they'd been ripped from the hangers and forgotten about. She picked up a fluffy looking jumper and a pair of leggings that looked way too big for her.

Leah starting searching through the draws and cupboards for any sign of a towel. She opened the bedside cabinet draw, but was unable to close it. She tried again, pushing it as hard as she could and it still wouldn't close properly. Leah yanked at the draw in frustration and almost jumped as it crashed onto the floor. She put her hand into the gap where it had been, feeling for whatever was causing it not to close. Leah's fingers found a square plastic case which she pulled out; inside the case she found an old CD disk. Nobody used CD'S anymore! The label written on the top of the CD said: Chez Chez 21/03/2013. Leah chewed her lip thoughtfully; knowing the date and name were familiar, but so far she was drawing a blank.

Just as she was about to slide the draw back into place, something stopped her and made her double check there was nothing else that would prevent it from closing. Her fingers brushed a long rectangular object and she eagerly grabbed on to it. As Leah pulled it out she noticed sitting in her hand was an old USB.


	7. Emerald

**Thank you so much to everyone who left reviews, they were all really lovely to read and I loved some of your speculations. Hope you all enjoy this chapter :) **

Leah woke up just as sun light streamed through the windows. For a moment she felt disorientated, realising she wasn't in her own room. Then yesterday came flooding back: the meeting with Brendan, seeing Mitzeee and spending the evening cleaning Paddy's flat. She'd crashed out in his Aunt's old room just after midnight, falling asleep in minutes. The flat was completely clean now and every room in order. Leah glanced over at the USB and CD sitting on the bedroom's dresser, she didn't know why but her eyes kept being drawn to them. Why would somebody hide them behind draw? What secrets did Paddy's Aunt have? She shook her head, realising that perhaps she'd been watching too many detective dramas.

Her thoughts started to drift towards Brendan again; she needed to be in the right frame of mind for their meeting later. What had Seamus Brady done that was so bad that someone had wanted to murder him? She still hadn't ruled out the possibility that her Dad could be the culprit, but it would have had to be something devastating to make him act in such a way. And what about Simon Walker? He'd tried to kill her Dad, threatened her life; what kind of person did that?

Leah's phone began to ring and she automatically answered it, not looking at who was calling. 'Hello?'

'So you do know how to use a phone then?' said her Mum's voice.

Leah began to chew her lip, trying to think of any excuse to get out the conversation that was about to begin. 'Hi Mum.' she said, her voice falsely bright.

'Don't Hi Mum me.' said Amy. 'I haven't heard from you in four weeks.'

'I've been busy.' answered Leah.

'Yeah, your Dad said.' Amy didn't sound too impressed. 'He also said you've been doing work for that sleazy lawyer. Lord only knows why you decided to spend the summer with him. I've heard about the type of clientele he represents, real shady characters. Why don't you give up the internship and come spend the summer with me instead? I don't really want you mixing with those types of people.'

Leah bit down hard on her own lip. 'What do you mean by those types of people?'

Amy took in a long breath. 'You know murderers and things.'

'Murderers like Brendan Brady?' asked Leah boldly.

There was silent for a moment on the other end of the phone.

'Who told you about him?' asked Amy, her voice oddly cold.

Leah resisted the urge to throw her phone across the room. 'Nobody did, I just saw the old file on the custody battle that never happened. You know that time you took Lucas and me away and wouldn't let us see Dad for months on end for no reason?'

'That's not fair.' said Amy. 'I did that to protect you.'

'Protect us from what?'

'Brendan!' said Amy angrily. 'You don't know what he was like Leah; you've probably just got some rose-tinted view of the whole situation from what your Dad's told you. Brendan Brady was poison, he didn't care who he hurt as long as he got what he wanted. He used to threaten me and beat up your Dad, did you know that?'

Leah closed her eyes, wondering just how far the rabbit hole that was Brendan and her Dad's relationship went. 'I never saw him hurt Dad, not once.' she said, searching through her blurred childhood memories. She some how knew what she was saying was true.

'That's because he was going through this stage pretending that he had changed.' answered Amy, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. 'Leopards don't change their spots; I knew it was only a matter of time until he reverted back into who he really was. And don't you dare say I was wrong, he murdered his own father Leah and all those other people. He was rotten t the core. Brendan was just pretending he had changed so he could take control over your Dad again.'

'But what if he didn't murder all those people?' demanded Leah. 'What if he's innocent?'

Amy let out an ironic laugh. 'You sound like your Dad. Every time he's drunk I hear that same old story. You weren't the one who had to clean up Ste each time that man was finished with him.'

Leah couldn't deny that her Mum's words hurt her, made her angry. What if she was right about Brendan? But then why did her Dad and Mitzeee love him so much? Why did she have all these memories of her Dad's happy face and Brendan reading her bedtime stories? Did a monster do that?

'But Dad changed what if Brendan did too?' It had always haunted Leah, talking about what her Dad had done to her Mum. But she knew to linger on what had happened wasn't a good idea. She had to remember her Dad had got help; he'd had the sense to seek help and to change. What if it had been the same with Brendan too? People could change.

'A man like that doesn't have the capability to change.'

Leah had heard enough, she hit the end button on the call. She sat there for a minute, numb with all the new information. Brendan and her Dad loved each other, Brendan use to beat up her Dad, Brendan had issues with his father and Simon Walker had wanted hurt the whole family. She pushed a pillow to her own face, letting out a muffled scream. Why couldn't life just be simple?

**Water Proof Ink**

Leah came downstairs to the smell of bacon frying. She normally she loved the smell, but today it made her stomach twist awkwardly. The conversation she'd had with her Mum was still bothering her and making her stomach feel like a washing machine. Leah paused in the living room; realising Paddy was still unaware of her presence. He was dancing to the radio and singing at the top of his voice. As Paddy dramatically wiggled his bum Leah burst out laughing. Paddy turned round and grinned shyly at her, his cheeks tinged with pink.

'Well we can safely say it wasn't your dancing that attracted me to you that night in The Loft.' said Leah. Her bad mood was suddenly lifted and the world suddenly seemed a bright place again. Paddy did that for her, just being with him seemed to brighten her day.

Paddy snorted, directing his attention back to the pan on the stove. 'I think if you'd seen me dancing you'd have thrown yourself at me a lot quicker. I'm Irish, I was made for dancing.'

'My Dad's got better moves than you.' said Leah; she gave his shoulder a playful shove.

Paddy turned the stove off and pushed the pan over to a cold hob. 'Well your Dad must be an excellent dancer then.' his voice was low and he was suddenly staring at her like she was the only person in the world.

Leah had no time to react as Paddy gently grabbed her waist and swung her to the right, pinning her against the work top. It only took a second for his lips to be on hers, his hands in her hair. It was a gentle and uncertain kiss, over before it had even began. Paddy moved quickly back to the stove like nothing had happened, almost as if he was afraid she was about to reject him.

'Sit down and I'll bring your breakfast over to you.' said Paddy.

Leah followed his instructions robotically, her mind still on the kiss from moments ago. She'd felt something during that kiss, felt her heart beat rapidly. Leah was developing feelings for this man, even though the rational part of her was arguing it wasn't a very good idea.

Paddy placed down a plate in front of her, smiling like he'd completed some heroic task. Leah looked at the sandwich and her mouth fell open. The sandwich was huge and full of meat. There was a layer of bacon, sausages, ham and black pudding. She felt her stomach shift at the sight of the black pudding.

'I think I'm going to be sick.' she mumbled, practically running out of the living room and into the bathroom. She just managed to make it to the toilet in time.

Paddy came in about five minutes later, after she'd vomited the entire contents of her stomach. He placed a glass of water next to the sink and then slid down onto the floor next to her. He put an arm around Leah and gently started to rub her back.

'This girl once told me I was a terrible kisser, didn't realise I was bad enough to make someone sick.' said Paddy.

Leah couldn't help but laugh, as she clung to the toilet feeling another wave of nausea. 'It's not funny.' she mumbled. Just before she was sick yet again.

Paddy held back her hair and then kissed her on the head gently after she was done. 'Remind me never to make you breakfast again.'

**Water Proof Ink**

A few hours later Leah sat in Jim's car, taking a long drink from her water bottle. The sickness had finally passed and she was getting ready to see Brendan again. The journey was an oddly quiet one and Jim seemed unwilling to break the silence.

'Who are you seeing today?' asked Leah.

Jim shifted awkwardly in his seat. 'Trevor Royle.' he answered.

'The same Trevor Royle who forced my Dad to deal drugs, my Aunt Sinead into prostitution and murdered those people without a shred of remorse?' Leah demanded.

'Yes.' answered Jim.

Leah hated Trevor, she knew that most the stories she heard about him didn't even scratch the surface. He was an evil man who left a trial of destruction wherever he went. She was glad for once she wasn't sitting in on one of Jim's meetings.

'You'd have thought somebody would have done in him by now.' said Leah darkly.

'Your friend Brendan certainly had a go. The two aren't allowed anywhere near each other any more, the first and last time they met Brendan beat him to a bloody pulp. He must have heard about what he did to Ste somehow.' Jim glanced at Leah, trying to gauge her reaction. 'Leah, are you sure you want to be a lawyer?'

Leah felt a wave of panic. 'What do you mean?' Did Jim not want her any more?

'I think you're an intelligent and clever girl, but I don't know if being a lawyer is the right path for you.' said Jim tentatively.

'Why?' asked Leah. 'I scored the highest grade in the year at the end of last term. My tutor says I'm a natural at law.'

'Like I said you're very intelligent, but each time we see one of my clients I see it in your eyes that they disgust you. You don't see the job; you see what they've done and how many people's lives they've ruined. I don't think representing the type of people I do would make you happy in the long run. It's not in insult to you at all Leah, you have a strong moral compass and I don't want the job to take that from you.'

Leah swallowed hard. 'Not all lawyers represent criminals.'

'Not all lawyers turn down an Illustration degree in a top London University either.' said Jim.

Leah felt like she'd been pushed into a pool of ice. She desperately tried to control her breathing. 'How do you know about that?'

'Your Dad told me, he even showed me some examples of your work. You're a fantastic artist Leah. I would buy my kids your Bug Hotel series in a heart beat.' Jim said with complete sincerity.

Leah closed her eyes, trying to drown out his voice. Getting into a university course to do illustration had been her biggest secret up until this point. Only her Mum and Dad had known about it. Ste had even gone with her for the interview, proudly carrying her bag full of sketch books all round London. She didn't think they'd like her work, but they did. It had nearly broken her heart the day she'd said no to them. The next day she'd packed up her work and art materials, shoving them into the attic like some dirty little secret. Her Mum had talked her out of the art course, arguing law would be a much suitable option. Leah had listened to her for the last time that day, in her last desperate attempt to make her Mum proud.

Everyone had agreed (teachers, friends and family) that Law was a much better option for someone with Leah's grades, everyone that is bar her Dad. Leah hadn't realised he'd sneaked into the attic and stolen her illustrated children's book series called 'The Bug Hotel.' But it shouldn't surprise her really; he still had all the felt tipped drawings up from when she was a kid. He understood what it was like to take the path that everyone else had advised you against; Leah had never been that brave.

'A talent like yours shouldn't go to waste.' Jim continued.

'I'll think about it.' said Leah, knowing that she wouldn't.

**Water Proof Ink**

Brendan was quiet again, not a word coming from his lips that were half covered by his beard. Leah was beginning to wonder again if the whole thing was one big waste of time. The appeal started in a week and she was no closer to convincing him to change his story. Leah thought about her Dad, wondering what he'd do in this situation. He was never that good at negotiations and Leah had always managed to get her own way as a child.

'Mr Hay's a good-looking man.' said Leah, the words slipping from her lips before she had a chance to stop them.

Brendan's eyes met hers, the intensity of his gaze made her want to run out the door. She couldn't help but wonder where she'd seen those same blue eyes before.

'It's been thirteen years and he still hasn't settled down with any one.' tried Leah. 'You could be free and living your lives together in a few weeks. Isn't that what you want?'

'What I want doesn't matter any more Alice,' answered Brendan. 'I've heard this all this from James before.'

'Don't you wonder what you've missed?' asked Leah. 'His Mum died of cancer just after you'd been locked up, did you know that? He started drug dealing and his ex Amy wouldn't let him see the kids for ages. You ruined his life and he's still trying to get over that, even after thirteen years.'

'Enough!' growled Brendan.

'It'll never be enough!' said Leah angrily. 'Not until you tell the truth.'

The anger disappeared from Brendan's face. 'I can't do that.'

Leah slammed her hands down on the desk. 'Why not? You've kept this act up for thirteen years. From what I've seen Ste Hay and you are the only ones suffering from it. Why can't you just end the pretence and tell the truth? Is whoever you're protecting worth loosing out on a future with Ste? Loosing your life and freedom? Were they worth loosing the chance to watch his and your kids grow up?'

The mask Brendan usually kept up so flawlessly was crumbling again. Leah's could see pain in his eyes, torment and misery. Why would a man like Brendan do this to himself?

'Yes.' answered Brendan, sounding broken.

'Do you still think about him?' asked Leah, she needed to know.

'Every day.' answered Brendan, misery etched across his whole face.

'Even after all this time, you still love him? Don't you?' asked Leah, never feeling so useless in her entire life.

Brendan's silence gave her all the answers she needed.


	8. Indigo

**Thank you so much to everyone who left reviews and read ect. I've had a bit of a writers block, so you all gave me some much needed encouragement. I hope you enjoy this next chapter! **

Leah walked into the flat she shared with her Dad and the sight that greeted her nearly made her walk straight back out again. Chaos seemed to have descended throughout the flat, clothes and items Leah didn't recognise littered the floor. Her Dad sat in the middle of the chaos, surrounded by piles of stuff. The expression on his face was vulnerable as he stared down at the item in his hand, as if it held the answers to some of life's biggest questions.

'What are you doing?' asked Leah. After the phone call from her Mum and encounter with Brendan she just wasn't in the mood for what ever was about to happen.

'I'm having a big clear out.' answered Ste, finally placing what looked to be an electric tooth brush charger down on top of a pile of shirts.

Leah bit her lip, wondering where on earth these items she'd never seen before had come from. 'Funny.' she said picking up a shirt that looked way too big for her Dad. 'Didn't realise you liked suits and big collars.'

'I don't,' answered Ste, he look awkward for a moment. 'Most of this stuff belongs to Brendan.'

She stopped frozen for a moment by the shock of her father's words. Never before had he openly started a conversation about Brendan. 'Oh.' was all she could think to say.

'Your Mum told me about the argument the two of you had.' Ste said calmly.

'Did she also tell you she was a complete cow on the phone?' asked Leah.

Ste looked thoughtful for a second 'I can imagine. She always was very vocal when the topic of Brendan Brady ever came up.'

'She's very vocal full stop.' grumbled Leah.

'But she made me realise something earlier.' said Ste, his voice devoid of any emotion. 'I haven't been very fair on you kids over the last few years. I haven't been myself and it's time I did something about it.'

Leah was speechless for a moment. 'What are you going to do?'

Ste glanced around at mess. 'Your Uncle Doug wants me to go to America and run one of his new business ventures. I'm thinking about saying yes.'

'This isn't another one of his ill fated attempts to get into your pants again is it?' asked Leah harshly. She had just about had enough of her Uncle Doug's pinning for her Dad; the guy just seemed to never give up.

'It's not about that.' answered Ste.

Leah snorted. 'It's always about that with him.'

'Not this time.' said Ste. 'This time it's about me. I need to move on and accept all I have of my old life is this.' he indicated to all the clothes and items on the floor. 'And maybe this just isn't enough any more.'

Leah stepped over a pile of shirts and sat down on the floor next to her Dad. She leaned her head on his shoulder, trying to establish how serious he was about leaving Hollyoaks. 'You kept all his stuff?' she asked the question that had been bugging her since she'd walked in.

A sad smile spread across Ste's lips. 'Yeah. Funny thing was I never gave up hope that one day he'd walked back through that door. I used to see him everywhere I went, I would get the glance of a suit or feel someone standing looking down from The Loft's steps. I thought I was going mad for ages, but eventually it stopped and in a way that was even worse.'

Leah wrapped her arms around her Dad. 'Me and Lucas used to be the same. For a long time we both thought we were the reason Brendan went away. We thought we'd done something wrong and his leaving us all was our punishment. Whenever we stayed here I'd listen out some nights, thinking I could hear him come through the door like I used to. I knew you'd be extra happy in the mornings, you always were when he came home.'

Ste brushed away a stray tear. 'It was never meant to be like this, you know? We were all meant to be a family. But I guess it wasn't ever really meant to be.'

She guiltily bit her lip. 'You never know, it could still happen.'

Ste let out a snort. 'He's serving a twenty year sentence; he ain't coming out any time soon. Plus I'm sure he's moved on, got some man warming his prison bed every night.' he couldn't hide the sound of bitterness in his voice.

'What if he hasn't?' asked Leah. 'What if he still feels the same way he used to about you?'

'Don't be silly Leah. We ain't seen each other in thirteen years; it's time I moved on properly.' Ste said, without a trace of emotion in his voice. 'I need a fresh start away from here, away from the memories.'

'You've waited thirteen years,' said Leah lightly. 'What's another seven?'

Ste's face darkened a little. 'It's time this flat stopped being the museum of Brendan Brady and became our home again. Help me bag this stuff up and we'll put out for the bin men. Tomorrow will be a new beginning.'

As Leah lay in bed later that night her mind just wouldn't switch off. She'd spent the evening going through and bagging up all of Brendan's Brady's old stuff. It was as if they were going through the possessions of a dead man and yet Leah guiltily knew she was seeing him again in a few hours time. Her Dad had been detached almost emotionless the whole evening, like a man on a mission who knew he maybe wouldn't return alive. Leah had almost broken during it all and told him about the appeal, but something stopped her. She couldn't give him any more false hope, not when he was trying to move on and turn a corner.

It was an hour after she'd gone to bed that she heard her Dad slip outside and bring all the bags containing Brendan's things back in. She heard his cupboard open and close, knowing he was putting all the stuff back where it had been for the last thirteen years. Leah had lay in bed for hours after that, her heart breaking silently for both Brendan and her Dad. She couldn't help but cry, knowing what a mess the whole situation was. As it reached six in the morning Leah slipped out of her bed and crept across the hall to her Dad's room. She noticed in the early morning light that his face showed the signs that he had been crying before he had fell asleep. What hurt the most, however, was the fact he was clinging to a familiar shirt with a big collar. Leah quietly closed the door, practically running back to her own bed. The thing between Brendan and her Dad wasn't over yet.

**Water Proof Ink**

Jim looked cheerful when Leah stepped into his car, a big smile on his face. Leah couldn't understand how anybody could like mornings as much as Jim did. The man was just plain weird. It hadn't helped she'd hardly slept and had been sick this morning again. Leah was also very much aware the appeal was coming up soon and she was no closer to getting Brendan to change his version of events. Brendan slowly seemed to trust her and they were beginning to develop a respect for one another, but it still wasn't enough. Deep down Leah knew they were going to loose the appeal. But the stubborn side of her kept insisting there must be a way to reunite Brendan Brady and Ste Hay.

'You look like you've gone ten rounds with a boxer again.' said Jim cheerfully.

Leah glanced up at him. 'I didn't sleep very well again last night.'

'Do you want me to take you off the Brady case?' asked Jim, immediately jumping to the assumption that it was the route cause.

'No!' said Leah, the very thought made her feel sick. 'It's just my Dad has been talking about moving to America to live with his ex husband. I don't want him to go, not when there's a slim chance we could get Brendan released.'

'Leah.' said Jim calmly, his face sympathetic. 'Brendan isn't going to be released. I'm a good lawyer, but I can't perform miracles.'

'Then why did you put me on the case? Why did you make me feel as there could be hope?' asked Leah.

Jim smiled awkwardly. 'Because I thought it was time somebody gave you closure. And as I've slowly got to know you I knew you wouldn't ever be happy if you didn't at least try.'

Leah snorted. 'You can't expect me to believe that was your reasoning. I know you don't let your emotions get involved when it comes to law.'

'Sometimes I am known to suffer from sentiment.' said Jim softly.

**Water Proof Ink**

Leah bit her lip and looked down at her watch; she was already twenty minutes into one of her meetings with Brendan. The time was ticking by fast and they were having one of their usual silent staring contests.

'Did Ste Hay kill Seamus Brady?' Leah asked boldly, finally breaking the silence.

Brendan's lips twitched with a number of emotions. He almost looked as if he wanted to laugh. 'Steven couldn't even kill a spider. He'd never step on them, he'd always run screaming to me. He doesn't have it in him to kill anyone.'

Leah felt her shoulders relax. 'Then if he didn't do it, who did?'

'I did.' answered Brendan.

'We both know you didn't.' Leah chewed her lip, trying to think of any other explanation. 'The only other person in the club that night was...your sister.' A light bulb switched on inside her head. 'She killed Seamus, didn't she? You're protecting her!'

Brendan kept his expression blank. 'I told you I killed Seamus, she had nothing to do with it.'

'You're lying! Again.' said Leah angrily. 'Why did she do it? What did she find out that could possibly make her snap in that way? Leah thought about Lucas and how much she loved him, but the only time she'd kill for him is if somebody hurt him. 'He hurt you, didn't he?'

'He was a bad man and he's exactly where he belongs, just like me.' answered Brendan coldly.

'How can you belong in prison?' asked Leah angrily. 'When you didn't kill Seamus? You belong outside with Mr Hay. Why isn't there any mention in the police files that Seamus hurt you? In everything I've read he has been made out to be an absolute saint, just like Simon Walker. But neither of them were innocent, were they?'

Brendan didn't answer; it seemed as if his mind had shut down completely. His blue eyes that were usually full of so much anger were oddly blank and stayed that way until Leah left.

**Water Proof Ink**

Leah slammed down five chocolate bars on the counter of Price Slice, contemplating whether it was possible to find and drown yourself in a vat of melted chocolate. Her meeting with Brendan had left her pretty shaken up and unnerved. She'd never seen anyone shut down like he had before. It was like the lights were on but nobody was home. What had Seamus Brady done to the man that was that bad? What had made Cheryl Brady kill her father? She knew it was speculation, but some how the story felt true. It explained a lot of things, including why Brendan had sacrificed his relationship with her Dad. Would she have done the same for Lucas? Probably yes. She now understood why Brendan was acting the way he was, but the why of it all still didn't make sense.

'That's a lot of chocolate.' remarked Cindy, as she put the chocolate through the till. 'That gorgeous bloke of yours hasn't got you up the duff, has he?'

Leah forced herself to laugh in response as she gave Cindy the money and left the shop. It was only then she thought about what Cindy had just asked her. She paced up and down outside of Price Slice, trying to decide on whether to go in or not. She needed...something, but buying it on her own doorstep probably wasn't the best of ideas. Leah thought quickly about Paddy; but she knew it was wrong to involve him; they'd only known each other five minutes. She glanced over at the Hollyoak's bus stop and made her decision. Leah crossed the road without even looking and nearly screamed when a car came whizzing past her. The driver stopped suddenly and the car reversed backwards; Leah bit her lip waiting for a torrent of abuse to be directed at her.

'Want to get in?' asked a woman's voice.

Leah glanced up and noticed it was Mitzeee's car that had nearly hit her. She took one last look at the bus stop before slipping into the car; Hollyoaks seemed to fade away in seconds.

'Are you alright?' asked Mitzeee, actually sounding concerned. 'I could have killed you a minute ago; you really didn't look with it.'

Leah's eyes began to blur with tears. 'No.' she answered honestly.

'What's the matter?' asked Mitzeee, 'Is it Brendan? Is it your Dad?'

'No.'

Mitzeee glanced at her, taking her eyes off the road for a moment. 'Then what is it?'

Leah took a deep breath. She hardly knew Mitzeee, but she had to tell someone. The realisation she'd had that afternoon was eating her insides. She just needed someone to talk to who wasn't her Mum or Dad. 'I think I'm pregnant.'


	9. White

**Here is the next chapter, thank you so much to everyone who reviewed/read the last chapter. I've been so, so, so excited about writing this one. The ending to this chapter has been in my head for a long time, so now I'm thrilled to finally write/post it :) Enjoy!**

Leah let out the breath she'd been holding as they pulled into the car park of Mitzeee's hotel. She clutched the little plastic bag in her hand even tighter, her heart still pounding in her ears. The drive to the pharmacy and to the hotel had felt like a lifetime. But now they were finally where they needed to be, time seemed to be speeding up. Leah glanced down at her phone, noticing yet another missed call from her Dad. There was also a sweet text message from Paddy asking her to come round to the flat and offering to make her a Pot Noodle for dinner.

Mitzeee finally turned to Leah, her eyes sympathetic. 'Ready then?'

Leah nodded, managing a wobbly smile. 'Maybe I'm being stupid; I'm only a week late. I probably don't need to take the test at all.'

'Better to be safe than sorry.' said Mitzeee softly. 'The woman at the pharmacy said you can show signs of pregnancy within a week of conception. Although with my Phoenix I didn't know for months and months.' she smiled at the memory. 'Though there was that whole being on the run from prison thing.'

'Do you think I'm just worrying over nothing then?' asked Leah, her eyes almost begging Mitzeee to agree with her.

'Probably, but like I said it's best you find out now.' she opened the door to the car and climbed out.

Leah grabbed her bags and followed her. Mitzeee had been amazing over the last hour; she'd calmed her down and then pretended that she was the one who could be pregnant in the pharmacy. The woman behind the counter had been thrilled for Mitzeee and apparently recognised her face from a magazine article from years ago. Leah followed Mitzeee through the winding corridors of the hotel, trying to ignore the looks men were shooting at the older woman.

'Does it bother you?' asked Leah suddenly.

Mitzeee stopped suddenly. 'Does what bother me?'

'The way men seem to look at you like you're a piece of meat.'

Mitzeee's lips twisted into a smile. 'I used to love it, believe it or not. I made quite a lot of my money through my looks, but it all changed when I had my son. It's sad a lot of the men I meet seem to be put off by my looks or think I'm only good enough for one thing. I have trouble meeting ones who just love me for who I am, but perhaps that's because none of them live up to Phoenix's Dad in my eyes.'

Leah bit her lip, unsure of what to say. She didn't really know much about Mitzeee's past, only that she'd been friends with her Dad and Brendan. And that she had a son whose father was dead.

'I can't believe I've been so stupid.' muttered Leah.

'Happens to us all love.' answered Mitzeee softly; she began to riffle through her bag for a key card. 'What's life without a few mistakes?'

Leah felt her cheeks flush pink. 'Paddy wasn't a mistake, he...' she trailed off, unable to find the words to describe their relationship.

Mitzeee winked at her. 'Don't worry, I understand.'

'I wish my Mum was more like you.' Leah muttered under her breath.

'Amy's not that bad,' answered Mitzeee. 'There are a lot worse mothers out there.'

Leah pulled a face. 'I know, but we just don't get on. She's just too...overbearing. It's like nobody can live up to the impossible standards she sets for them. She has been like it ever since she married my step-dad. It's like somebody wedged a stick up her bum on her wedding day. It's like nobody is allowed to make a mistake, they have to be perfect or she doesn't want to know them. That's why I like living with Dad, he doesn't expect too much from me. He just lets me be.'

'Maybe she just wants what's best for you?' suggested Mitzeee.

'But what she thinks is best, isn't necessarily what is right.' Leah glanced down at the bag from the pharmacy. 'She was so determined that I didn't make the same mistakes as her, but it looks like I've gone ahead and done it any way.'

Mitzeee awkwardly patted Leah's arm. 'Don't say that, you might be getting all worked up over nothing.'

'I hope so.' said Leah, swallowing hard. 'I don't know what I'll do if it's positive.'

'You're a strong and clever girl, you'll think of something.' said Mitzeee firmly.

The two stepped into the hotel room, neither expecting to see a young boy sat on the bed playing on a hand held computer. He glanced up at them and then turned bright red. He looked as if he'd been caught out doing something he shouldn't.

'Phoenix!' said Mitzeee, holding her chest. 'You're supposed to be at football.'

Phoenix reluctantly put the game down on the bed, raising an eyebrow in confusion when he spotted Leah. 'It was cancelled.'

'It wasn't cancelled this morning when I dropped you off.' said Mitzeee, her eyes like lasers.

Phoenix shifted awkwardly, running a hand through his messy brown hair. The expression on his face showed that he knew he'd been caught out.

'Have you been to any of the training sessions?' asked Mitzeee, sounding unimpressed.

His blue eyes looked down at the floor. 'I went to the first one.' he mumbled.

Mitzeee raised an eyebrow at him. 'I've taken you to eight sessions, where have you been for the other seven?'

'Here...and MacDonald's.' mumbled Phoenix.

Leah couldn't help but laugh, but quickly turned it into a cough when Mitzeee glared at her. The way Mitzeee was looking at the teenager was almost comical.

'I told you I hate football.' argued Phoenix. 'I don't know why you and Grandpa always try to make me do it.'

'How do you know you hate it if you only went to one session?' asked Mitzeee, her voice laced with amusement.

'I'd much rather be at home on my computer.' stated Phoenix, looking quite grumpy. 'Football is too much hard work.' he then glanced once again at Leah. 'Who's she?' he asked with an open curiosity.

Mitzeee looked over at Leah and then the carrier bag in her hands. She finally seemed to remember why the two of them were there. 'This is Leah; she's the daughter of an old friend of mine.'

Phoenix for the first time looked excited. 'Are you the daughter of the man who murdered all those people?'

'No.' answered Leah. 'My Dad's a chef.'

The expression on Phoenix's face dropped with disappointment. 'That's not very exciting.'

'Phoenix!' said Mitzeee sharply. 'Sorry Leah, forgive my teenager. He has yet to learn how to behave in polite society.'

Phoenix let out a snort. 'I was only being honest.' he looked at the bag in Leah's hands. 'What's in there?'

Mitzeee almost sprang into action. 'Right you.' she pulled a note out of her purse. 'I want you to go downstairs and get yourself some dinner; we've got to talk girl stuff.'

At the mention of girl stuff Phoenix pulled a face, like the concept was extremely alien to him. He eagerly held out his hand and took the money. 'Am I allowed to have dessert?'

'Do you think that's wise after all those MacDonald's?' asked Mitzeee.

Phoenix rolled his eyes. 'I'm sure my body will survive it just this once.' he nodded at Leah and then disappeared out of the hotel room door.

The expression on Mitzeee's face was almost apologetic her eyes met Leah's. 'Sorry about him, he's at that funny unpredictable age.'

'Don't worry, I know what boys are like.' answered Leah. 'Lucas is exactly the same. At the minute he'd obsessed by old technology and rebuilding an old computer.' she thought about the USB and computer disk tucked safely in her bag. Paddy had given them her for Lucas, knowing the two items were almost obsolete items of technology. She couldn't wait for Lucas to get back fro m America and to look what was on them.

'Do you want to..?' started Mitzeee interrupting Leah's train of thought. She indicated towards the door that lead to the bathroom.

The next five minutes again felt a lifetime to Leah after she took the test. She sat on the side of the bath staring down at the little stick in her hand, like it was an unexploded bomb. She glanced down at the result when it appeared; double checking that it was correct. Leah couldn't stop the tears from falling as she shoved the test into the bin. She washed her hands and then splashed ice cold water onto her face.

By the time Leah came out of the bathroom her cheeks flushed and eyes red. She managed to give Mitzeee a watery smile. Even though every part of her felt numb.

'What did it say?' asked Mitzeee, her face full of concern.

'It was negative.' said Leah, her voice almost a whisper.

Mitzeee frowned, almost looking unconvinced. 'Are you sure?'

'Yes.'

**Water Proof Ink**

By the time Leah put her key into the door of her Dad's flat it was late. Everything was in darkness and she just assumed that her Dad was out. She screamed and nearly jumped a mile when he switched on a lamp the moment she entered the living room.

'You nearly gave me a heart attack!' hissed Leah, when she noticed her Dad sitting on the sofa with a funny look on his face.

Ste looked at her, his expression closed. It was almost as if he was examining her for any damage or changes. 'You're late again.'

'I was out with a friend.' answered Leah. She smiled thinking about the evening she'd had with Mitzeee and Phoenix. Phoenix was quite interesting to talk to once you got past his teenage moodiness. The three of them had spent the night watching a film and eating food ordered from room service.

'Was it that boy you're seeing?' asked Ste, his expression still a little strange.

Leah once again began to hear her own heart pounding in her chest. There was something wrong with her Dad, she was almost sure of it. Did he know about her meetings with Brendan?

'No, just a friend from university.' she squeaked, clenching her sweaty fists.

Ste looked at her again, his eyes still burrowing holes into her. 'I'm worried about you.'

Leah almost felt her mask of indifference shatter at his words. 'Worried about me, why?' she slid into the seat next to him.

'It's just a feeling, like something's not right with you at the minute. Like there's something wrong. There must be if you're asking Amy all these questions about Brendan.' said Ste. 'I can't help but feel whatever's bothering you is some how my fault.'

Leah bit her lip, forcing herself not to cry. 'Everything's fine,' she lied. 'There's nothing for you to be worried about.'

'Are you sure?' asked Ste again, looking completely unconvinced.

'Yes Dad.' answered Leah; she lay her head on his shoulder and once again managed to stop the tears. Sometimes it was easier to lie. It was only when she climbed into bed later that night that she properly allowed herself to cry.

**Water Proof Ink**

Leah walked into Hollyoaks village feeling as if the weight of the world was on her shoulders. She had the morning off and she was going to use the time to finally do some drawing. Leah couldn't help but feel reassured as she thought about the sketch book and pencils ready in her backpack. She sat herself down on the wooden pier that her Dad used use for fishing with Lucas and herself. Leah couldn't help but smile fondly at the childhood memory. It was strange how her childhood made more sense than her adulthood.

It didn't take long until her hand was moving fluidly across the page, creating the story of Mr Beetle the Busboy. She'd almost forgotten how much she loved drawing and how it seemed to relax every part of her. Leah hadn't drawn like this since the faithful day in which she'd accept her place to do law at university.

'Daddy, can I have an ice-cream?' asked a little girl passing by the place where Leah was sitting.

'You'll spoil your tea.' answered the man.

'I won't, I promise.' she said.

'Alright then, but don't tell your Mum!'

The little girl let out a squeal. 'You're the best Daddy in the world!'

Leah slammed shut her sketchpad, suddenly feeling sick. She numbly touched her face and realised with a start that it was wet, she'd been crying without realising it. She suddenly knew what she had to do; there was no point on running any more. Leah picked up her pencils and sketch pad and shoved them into her backpack. She almost ran through the village, taking two steps at a time as she climbed up towards Paddy's flat.

Leah paused when she got to the door, taking a moment to knock loudly. When she received no answer she pushed the door lightly and was surprised when it swung open. She stepped into the flat slowly, looking for any signs of life. Her attention was immediately drawn to the television, in which some type of action film seemed to be playing. There was a man stood on a balcony with his hands behind his back, as a helicopter flew over head. Leah stopped dead, trying to place where she'd seen the man before.

'No!' screams a voice.

Leah would know that voice anywhere, her hand flew to her mouth as the screen zoomed in on to her Dad. He was desperately fighting against a police man with tears running down his face. Leah began to shake, letting out a silent scream herself. Her heart breaking at the sight of her Dad looking so broken and desperate.

'Leah!' cried Paddy's shocked voice from the doorway that lead to the kitchen; he dropped a number of folders he was carrying in shock. The floor was suddenly full of newspaper clippings and pictures of Brendan Brady. His blue eyes glare up at the two of them from on the floor. 'I can explain.' he said quickly.

Leah did the only thing that made sense and fled.


	10. Cobalt

**Here is chapter 10 :) Warning Sleepy Marble Eyes = angsty Marble eyes...something I've discovered today. Thank you everyone so much for your reviews for the last chapter. I hope you enjoy this one! :)**

Leah didn't want Paddy's lies or explanations. All she wanted was to get out of the flat and away from the piercing blue eyes that were staring up at her from on the floor. Her head was a jumble of thoughts and questions, but she just wasn't in the mood to find out their answers. Leah almost ran across the room and yanked the front door open, she didn't expect a hand to reach out and slam it shut again. She kept her eyes directed at the floor and once again tried to pull it open, only to find it wouldn't budge.

'Let me go.' cried Leah angrily, tugging forcefully at the door Paddy was keeping shut. 'I'll scream, I'll scream so loud that they'll think you're murdering me.'

'People have thought I'm capable of murder most of my life,' said Paddy, almost sounding as if he was in physical pain. 'Why should you or Hollyoaks see me any differently?'

Leah let go of the door handle, trying to understand Paddy's words. 'I don't understand.' she said slowly. The rage was starting to subside, only to be overtaken by confusion.

Paddy finally let go of the door, unable to hide the hurt on his face. 'I wouldn't expect you to.' he walked back over the television and switched it off completely. Paddy bent down and began to gather up the pictures and newspaper articles. 'Just go Leah.'

Leah watched him for a second, unable to take her eyes off him. There was something she was missing here, something big. She had thought that they had been getting to know and starting to understand each other before, but this was a side to Paddy that she'd never seen before. He seemed so small and young as he gathered up the pictures, fragile even. He looked ready to break into tiny pieces at any minute.

'Who are you?' asked Leah.

Paddy looked up and their eyes finally met. His blue eyes that were usually full of light and amusement looked haunted. 'You know who I am.'

She chewed her lip, trying to make sense of it all. 'Are you...are you related to Brendan?' she asked.

'He's my father.' stated Paddy simply, he stood up and placed the files on the coffee table. He sat down heavily on the sofa. 'I don't expect you to stick around now that you know that.'

'What do you mean?' asked Leah, stepping away from the front door.

Now that she had gotten over the initial shock, she couldn't believe how stupid she'd been. Of course Paddy was Brendan's son; they had the same blue eyes and piercing stare. They even sounded similar when they talked. Perhaps it was only Paddy's innocence and vulnerability that had blinded her to the fact. Brendan was sharp and cutting in comparison.

'Most people usually leave when they find out who my father is.' stated Paddy.

'Well I'm not most people.' answered Leah. She glanced back towards the kitchen. 'How about I put the kettle on and make us some tea?'

Paddy nodded in an almost child like way. He kept looking as if he expected Leah to run out of the flat at any minute. As Leah went into the kitchen and put tea bags into two mugs she couldn't help but wonder what had happened in the past to make Paddy this way. When the kettle boiled she poured hot water into the cups, still lost in her own thoughts. Her Mum always said a good cup of tea could solve anything, but on this occasion Leah doubted it would. She carried the newly made cups of tea back into the living, finding Paddy exactly where she'd left him.

'Thank you.' Paddy said softly as she placed a mug down in front of him.

'So...' said Leah, as she sat in the seat furthest from Paddy. 'Did you know our Dads' used to go out?'

'Aunt Cheryl mentioned it.' said Paddy softly; still seeming amazed that Leah had stayed. 'I found out a while ago that you were Ste Hay's daughter.'

'That would have made the other night proper weird if they still were.' said Leah, trying to dispel some tension. 'It would have been like borderline incest.'

Paddy finally looked up and smiled at her. 'Not really.'

'I used to call him 'Daddy Brendan' and he's your Dad too. Talk about keeping it in the family. You don't want to hear the story behind my Dad and Grandpa's first meeting.' she took a long gulp of her tea.

'My brother Declan and me used to hate you and your brother.' said Paddy in a rush. As if it was something important he needed to get out in the open. 'You were all he talked about during his last visits to us. He went on and on about your Dad and you two. Mum hated it; she couldn't understand why he'd settled down with your Dad but not her. It made Declan and me feel as if there was something wrong with us. We spent hours trying to figure out the reason why he wanted you, but not us.'

Leah frowned. 'He didn't want us in the end either. He wouldn't have left us and gone to prison if he did. Do you still hate us now?'

'Of course not!' answered Paddy. 'It was just how I felt as a kid.' he finally picked up his mug of tea and took a long sip.

'Why did you come to Hollyoaks?' asked Leah, once again breaking the silence.

Paddy looked thoughtful for a moment. 'I wanted to know who my Dad was, who he really was. People have used so many words for him: murderer, cheat, brother, drug dealer, father. But none of them are my own words. I never knew him properly, so how can I make a judgement? All I have is what other people have told me and some blurry childhood memories, hardly the most useful sources. Everyone seems to have something to say about him, but I have nothing except the word absent.'

'I'm sorry.' said Leah softly, overtaken by the need to apologise. She couldn't help feel guilty over the fact that she knew Brendan better than his own son.

'You've got nothing to be sorry for.' said Paddy awkwardly. He looked to be barely holding himself together.

'Well I am.' answered Leah. 'I couldn't imagine not knowing my Dad, no matter what his faults are.' With a pang she also thought about her Mum. If Leah wanted she could just jump on a bus and see her Mum within a few hours. Paddy had never had the luxury of that with his own father. Maybe it was time that she started building bridges with her Mum again. Their silly mother-daughter feud had gone on far too long.

'I've been researching everything I can about him since I got here.' said Paddy, pointedly glancing towards the television and the folders. 'I never would have put that old news footage on today if I'd known you were coming round. I just want to know what type of man he really was, see him in the flesh.'

Another question occurred to Leah as she listened to Paddy's words. 'What did you mean when you said earlier that people thought you've been capable of murder most of your life?'

Paddy shrugged nonchalantly. 'That's just something people say to me.'

'Not around here they don't.' said Leah, pushing for an answer. Even though she had a feeling the truth would lead down an even bigger rabbit hole.

Paddy's eyes were faraway, as if he was remembering a truly horrible experience. 'I grew up in quite a close knit community in Ireland; I couldn't go ten steps without bumping into someone who knew what my Dad had done.'

'But what has that got to do with you?' asked Leah.

'Everything.' answered Paddy. 'I'm my father's son, I'm half of him. Cut from the same soiled cloth. Most the people in my community believe it's only a matter of time until I flip just like he did.'

Leah slammed her fists down on the coffee table. 'Rubbish!'

'The sins of the father shall be visited upon the son.' answered Paddy. 'I've been told most my life that I'm rotten to the core, just like my Dad. Eventually you start to believe them.'

'But I bet most of these people didn't even know your Dad. They're just judging him on the basis of that court case thirteen year's ago.' argued Leah.

'He got found guilty of murdering five people Leah, what do you expect?' said Paddy as if the argument wasn't new to him at all.

Leah desperately searched her mind, trying to think of the right thing to say. 'That doesn't mean you're going to do the same.' she moved across the room and sat down next to Paddy. She placed her hand on top of his cold one, lacing her fingers through his.

Paddy stared down at her hand for a moment, as if it was something alien to him. 'I'm bad news Leah, I thought I could be someone different over here but I can't be. I'm never going to escape the shadow of my Dad's past.'

'But you can learn to live with the shadow.' argued Leah. 'Not let it control your life or affect the way you live.'

Paddy laughed bitterly, it sounded wrong coming from his lips. 'Leah do you realise you're the first and only girl I've ever slept with?'

Leah felt herself go pink, as she tried to force the drunken memories of what they'd done a few weeks ago to the back of her mind. She hadn't known that it was Paddy's first time. She couldn't help but feel regret that they hadn't done it in better circumstances.

'None of the girls back home will date me because I'm not the marrying kind. Nobody wants to marry the boy whose father is a murderer. The only ones who were interested were mostly ones trying to win bets with their friends. I spent most my teenage years having people hiss 'murderer' as I passed them by in the corridor at school. Even when I was a kid a lot of the boy's from school were banned from being my friend by their mothers after my Dad was found guilty.'

'Paddy.' said Leah, her voice almost a whisper. She could feel the tears beginning to form behind her eyes, she could visualise every part of his childhood so clearly. Her own had been idyllic in comparison.

Paddy yanked his hand away from Leah's, as if the touch now burnt him. 'I didn't tell you that to make you feel sorry for me. I told you so you'd understand why I can never escape this.'

Leah bit down hard on her lip, forcing herself not to cry. How could one action have caused so many consequences to so many different people? She wondered if Brendan would still go out onto that balcony and confess to the murders if he knew what it would do later to his lover and son. Would he have the heart to hurt them in such a way again? Hurt himself like he'd been doing for the last thirteen years? Sometimes people just didn't have a choice, just like Paddy didn't have a choice with who his father was. You just had to live with the cold hard facts and get on with it.

'That's why I'm here.' continued Paddy. 'My Aunt told me about the appeal and I knew it was the only way I'd ever get to see him in the flesh.'

Leah froze at the realisation of something she hadn't even considered before. 'Have you known from the start about me being Jim's intern?'

Paddy paled reading the expression on her face, unable to hide the guilt. 'It's not what you think.'

'Answer the question.' said Leah, unable to disguise her growing anger.

'Yes.' said Paddy in almost a whisper.

Leah stood up, knowing this time that if she walked out the door she wouldn't come back. 'You used me. You used me to find out information about the appeal and my Dad.'

'No.' said Paddy, now standing too. 'At the start maybe that was my plan, but it all changed after that night together. I discovered I really liked you and didn't want to go through with it.'

Leah bit back the tears. 'I need you to answer me honestly. Did you only approach and go home with me that night in the club because you knew who I was?'

Paddy closed her eyes, his expression one of anguish. 'Yes.'

Leah stood up and walked to the door, this time Paddy didn't stop her. She couldn't face looking back at him, knowing it would be fatal to her resolve. If she looked at him just once more she would end up changing her mind and staying. Staying was not an option after what she'd just heard. No one in the world had a right to use her in such a way.

'Goodbye Paddy.' she said softly. As she stepped out into the early afternoon she was almost sure she heard him let out a sob. But she didn't turn round and continued instead to put one foot in front of the other. She ignored the silent tears dripping down her cheeks, trying to quell the pain of Paddy's betrayal. Her mind felt as if it was going to explode with all the new things she'd found out.

Leah was halfway home when she pulled out a phone; dialling in the number she'd gotten from the doctor's at her early morning appointment. 'Hello, I'd like to book myself in for an abortion.'


	11. Yellow

**Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed the last chapter! You're reviews always give me so much happiness and push me to update. Sorry there was a little wait for this chapter, I started a new job and went on holiday. But I plan the next update to be out soon-ish. Enjoy!**

Leah scooped up her cereal and poured it back into her bowl slowly, watching the milk drip off the end of the spoon. Today was the day, the day in which she'd fix things. She almost laughed out loud to herself, wishing it was really that easy. It wasn't and it never would be. It was her last meeting with Brendan Brady today before the appeal next week. Leah had tried to see him more over the last few days, but an apparent fight with another prisoner has meant her visits to him had been cut. Instead she'd been forced to follow Jim around like a lost puppy seeing Will Savage like characters. It hadn't really been a good few days and if she was honest she'd been quite bored. But at least boredom was a welcome distraction to the inner turmoil going on in her head.

Even with top grades and a natural talent for law, Leah was beginning to see it perhaps wasn't where her heart lay. She loved law and was fascinated by it, but she wasn't really fascinated by the people. A lot of Jim's clients she didn't even really like and she kept finding her mind drifting with new illustration ideas.

'What's up with you?' asked her Dad, joining her at the table. He sleepily rubbed his eyes as he pulled milk out of the fridge.

'Nothing.' answered Leah automatically. She'd been avoiding him for the last few days since making her decision and it hadn't gone unnoticed.

'Really?' asked Ste, cocking an eyebrow. 'Because if I remember rightly you used to play with your cereal like that just before your Mum came to pick you up when you were younger. It's like Leah code for there's something wrong or bothering you. You've also got a face on you like a wet weekend.'

Leah bit her lip, wondering what he would say if she told him the truth. They'd always had such a close relationship, but she couldn't bear to let him know how badly she'd screwed up. She'd slept with Brendan Brady's son, seen Brendan Brady behind his back and had now gotten herself pregnant. Her stomach twisted painfully at the thought; everything was so messed up. She refused to think about the baby, knowing there was no other way forward than the path she'd chosen.

'I just keep wondering whether I made the right decision to do Law as my degree.' answered Leah. A half truth was better than a lie. She'd been telling too many lately as it was.

Ste suddenly stopped what he was doing and slid into the chair opposite her. 'Why don't you look into changing courses?'

Leah glanced up at him quickly, but then directed her eyes back to her soggy cereal. 'No, it's okay. I'm just having a bad week, that's all.'

'It's not the end of the world if you fail at something, you know?' said Ste. 'Your Mum and me will love and be proud of you no matter what you do. So if you want to go do art, go do it. I do stuff that pisses your Mum off all the time, she hasn't cut me out of her life...well not properly yet.'

She swallowed heavily, taking a moment to absorb his words. 'But what if I did something bad? Something you really couldn't forgive me for?'

Ste rolled his eyes. 'That could never happen, I'm proper forgiving me.' he frowned at her. 'What's going on?'

'Nothing Dad.' said Leah quietly. 'It's just been a long few weeks.'

'Still not made it up with that lad?' asked Ste.

'No.' answered Leah firmly, refusing to think of Paddy. Every time she thought of Paddy her chest hurt and she felt nothing but confusion. She wondered if he would try to get her to change her mind if he knew truth. The cruel part of Leah said no, as a baby wouldn't fit into Paddy's schemes to get information from her. But the rational side of her argued that at some point during her time with Paddy he had changed his mind, he had never once asked her about the Brendan Brady case or her Dad. That had to count for something, right?

'Do you want me to go round and have a word with him?' Ste asked, his voice carrying an undertone that meant talking was the last thing he wanted to do to Paddy.

'No, it's okay.' said Leah, refusing to meet his eyes. 'I just really liked him, that was all. But he wasn't right for me and it's better that I know that now.'

'And that's all that's bothering you?' he asked, eyes searching her face.

'Yes.' she said quietly.

'Okay.' said Ste, hesitantly. He still didn't look convinced there wasn't something else bothering her. 'I'm going to get ready for work.' He bent down and kissed her softly on the head. 'Love you.'

'Love you too.' she said softly. Leah forced herself to smile at him and for a moment he looked placated. After her Dad left the room she gently placed a hand on the place where he'd kissed the top of her head. Leah was glad he wasn't around to see the single tear that slipped down her cheek.

Leah hadn't mention that in three days time Brendan Brady's appeal would begin. Nor did she mention that later that afternoon she had an appointment booked which would solve her pregnancy worries. Ste Hay had spent most his life protecting her and now it was Leah's turn to repay the favour.

**Water Proof Ink**

'So...' said Jim, almost with excitement. 'Today's the day Leah. Your last attempt at changing Brendan Brady's mind. Think you're up for the job?'

Leah raised an eyebrow at him. 'You know I'm fighting a loosing battle, right?'

Jim nodded and instead eyed up her backpack. 'What's in there? Anything...tasty?'

'Do you have a super nose that smells every time my Dad bakes you something?' asked Leah in awe, wishing delicious treats were her only worry.

Jim grinned at her. 'Well your Dad is one of the best cooks in the village. I would actually kill for a slice of his chocolate cake.' he licked his lips and smiled blissfully at the thought.

Leah snorted at the thought of Jim murdering someone savagely with a cake knife. Her Dad's chocolate cake was worth it though and people in Hollyoaks had murdered for less. She pulled a bag of biscuits out of her backpack and threw them into Jim's lap.

'Result!' shouted Jim. 'My Carmel's got me on a diet, I've been eating rice cakes for the last few days.' he pulled a face. 'They taste like cardboard. If it wasn't for the food your Dad keeps feeding me I think I'd be dead by now.'

Leah was silent for a moment. 'What do you mean by food he keeps feeding you?' she paused for a second. 'Have you and my Dad been meeting up in secret?' For a moment she had a bizarre image of the two of them carrying out an illicit affair.

'Well...' Jim awkwardly looked out of the car window into the prison car park. 'Your Dad wanted my help for a few things.'

'What do you mean a few things?' asked Leah. It seemed she wasn't the only one keeping secrets.

Jim shifted awkwardly in his seat. 'I've been helping him to get a visa for America and to fill in an application form.'

'What application form?' asked Leah, now suddenly curious.

'Your Dad has sent off an application for you to start an Illustration course at your university after the holidays. He even went in and showed them some of your stuff. I shouldn't be telling you this, but they said yes Leah. The place is there if you want it.' Jim looked relieved that everything was now in the open.

Leah automatically put her hands on her stomach, probably the exact place where the baby was. How was she supposed to pursue her dreams when she'd make such a mess at everything else? She couldn't even bear to even think about to tomorrow, so how was she supposed to make a decision about something that was only weeks away? For a fleeting moment she forgot herself and had the urge to call Paddy, he always seemed to be so logical about everything.

'So what do you think?' asked Jim hopefully. 'We haven't overstepped the mark have we?'

Leah swallowed hard. 'Thank you for everything you've done, I mean it Jim. Letting me become your intern, allowing me to meet Brendan and doing all this with my Dad. You've been a really good friend. But I think I'm going to drop out of university in the next few weeks. I'm not going to go back at all.'

Jim frowned and was silent for a moment. 'What do you mean drop out completely? You've got a talent Leah and that talent shouldn't be wasted. Has something happened? Is something wrong?'

'No.' Leah lied again. 'I just think it's time I tried something different, that's all.'

'Just make sure you have a long think about your actions before you actually make a decision.' said Jim. 'I don't want you to make any mistakes that you're going to regret for years to come.'

Leah smiled bitterly, the funny thing was it wasn't the mistakes she was worried about (she'd made enough of them lately); it was how to fix the mistakes that was the problem.

**Water Proof Ink**

As Leah once again stared thoughtfully at Brendan Brady, she couldn't believe how much trouble one man could cause. She also couldn't stop looking at his black eye and split lip, which were obviously not going to help his case on Monday. He showed no sign of discomfort but his injuries actually looked really painful. Leah couldn't help but wonder what the other guy's injuries were.

'You're quiet today.' stated Brendan, once again sizing her up with his intense blue eyes.

'I thought that would please you.' answered Leah, not in the mood for whatever game Brendan felt like playing.

'A while ago it would have. When you first started coming here you were like some annoying fly buzzing in the background whenever you opened your mouth, it was like you were just asking to be...' he banged his hands hard onto the table to make her jump. 'But eventually I just got used to the noise.'

Leah looked down into her hands. She couldn't stand to look at Brendan any more; whenever she did all she saw was Paddy. They had the same haunted blue eyes and long eyelashes, the same soft brown hair and even frowned the same way when they were thinking.

'Good behaviour can cut a sentence down by as much as half sometimes.' stated Leah, after ten minutes of awkward silence.

Brendan's lips quirked into a bitter smile. 'I've told you before there's nothing left out there for me. You're wasting your time.'

Leah clenched her fists in frustration. 'How do you know that?' asked Leah, thinking of Paddy and her Dad. 'You may have given up on your life, but what if those you loved haven't? What if they're in some kind of limbo just like you? Just because you were the only one who got found guilty, doesn't mean those who loved you haven't been suffering in their own self made prisons.'

'I can't change my statement.' said Brendan, trying to hide any trace of emotion in my voice.

'Why can't you?' asked Leah, 'Who are you protecting?'

'No-one. I was the one who murdered my father and all those other people.' said Brendan robotically. It was sounded almost as if he even believed himself.

'Don't you care about Ste or your kids?' asked Leah. 'Isn't it time you did the right thing by them?'

'I should have died on the balcony that day. I was dead to them all a long time ago and the dead should stay buried. They're better off without me; I just destroy those close to me. I only ever hurt the ones who love me.'

Both Leah's head and heart hurt. How could she reason with a man who didn't even want to help him?

Brendan frowned at her, seeming to be searching his mind for anything that would draw the conversation away from himself. 'There's something different about you today.' he said suddenly. 'Something's changed.'

Leah automatically crossed her arms over her stomach defensively. Brendan caught the action and for a brief moment he almost looked surprised, before understanding dawned on his face.

'You're pregnant.'

'So what if I am?' said Leah angrily. 'It's none of your business. There won't be a baby after today any way.'

For a moment the two stared at each other, neither able to say a word. Leah had even shocked herself with her harsh outburst. It was like the stress and worry of the last few days had finally caught up with her.

'Don't get rid of it.' said Brendan quietly. 'It'll be the biggest mistake you will ever make.'

Leah angrily grabbed her note book and stood up. 'As if I'm going to take life advice from someone who's doing a twenty year jail stretch for crimes he didn't commit. You don't get any say in my life any more, you lost that right a long time ago.' she turned around to leave, unable to look at the man in front of her.

'Wait.'

She continued to make her way to the door without looking back.

'Leah!'

She froze, hearing the one word she never again expected to from Brendan Brady's mouth. Leah forced herself to turn slowly and face him, trying to disguise the emotion on her face. So many questions came to mind, but they all faded when Brendan and her eye's met. There was understanding and familiarity in those blue eyes. He knew her and she knew him. But how was that possible?

Wordless Brendan reached his pale handcuffed hands into one of his pockets. He pulled out a folded and yellowing piece of paper from inside. Slowly he began to unfold it, his face blank and revealing nothing. When he was finished he slowly slid it across the table towards Leah. With a shaking hand she slowly pulled the paper towards her and felt dizzy with shock by what was on it: It was a felt tip drawing that she had done when she was a child. Up until a few weeks ago it had been stuck to the wall of her Dad's flat, but it was now sitting on the table staring up at her. It was the same picture that she'd put in her bag for luck the day she'd started her internship. The one that showed four figures smiling and holding hands like they belonged together: herself, her Dad, Lucas and Brendan.


	12. Pink

**Thank you so much everyone for your wonderful reviews! Your response was so amazing I decided to give you this chapter early :) I hope you enjoy it; it was one of my favourites to write :)**

Leah stood by the table frozen, still unable to process the information that Brendan Brady knew exactly who she was. Her heart was beating so loudly in her ears that it drowned out any other sound. How had he managed to get that picture? How long had he known? She sat down heavily in the chair opposite him, her feet seeming to be unable to take her weight any more.

'How?' she asked softly.

Brendan looked at her with a mixture of emotions. 'You dropped some papers a while ago. One of the guards picked it up and asked if it was mine. I recognised it immediately.' his voice caught with emotion for a moment. 'You once made it clear that you'd never draw any pictures of me and that was one of the first you did. It was always special to me.'

'It was always special to Dad too.' said Leah softly. 'The day they took you away we went to see him with Mum, I remember it really clearly. He was sat against the wall crying and clutching that picture.' It was a day that haunted her more and more the older she got.

Brendan clenched his fists, looking down heavily at the table. 'He's better off without me, you all are.'

Leah bit down on her lip hard, touched by the unusual emotion in Brendan's voice. 'Even as a kid I knew you were important to Dad, more important than anyone who has been before and since.'

Brendan still couldn't look at her; he just continued to burn a hole through the table in front of him with his eyes. 'How...how is Steven?'

Leah couldn't ignore the emotion in Brendan's voice as he mentioned her Dad's name. The icy exterior Brendan had been putting on in front of her for the last few weeks was beginning to melt. Maybe she should have told him who she was a while ago; it perhaps could have helped with the appeal.

'He's as well as he can be, seen as the love of his life left him to go to prison.' said Leah, sounding harsher than she'd meant to. 'He has been talking about moving to America to work with Uncle Doug again.'

'Douglas?' asked Brendan, his moustache twitching slightly. 'He's still sniffing around?'

'Well you're the one who left Dad.'

Brendan closed his eyes for a moment. 'It was for the best.'

'Best for who Brendan?' she asked, suddenly feeling her anger rise to the surface. 'Thirteen years! Thirteen years you've been gone and the pain is still as raw for him as if it was yesterday. You weren't there when he started drug dealing again and Mum wouldn't let him see us. You weren't there when Grandma Pauline was diagnosed with cancer and Dad had to help her to die. And you certainly weren't there when he met Granddad Danny either. He needed you all those times and you were too busy in here paying for a crime I am quite certain you didn't commit. So how is that best for everyone?'

Brendan gripped the table so hard, that Leah was surprised he didn't leave holes in it. Leah took a deep breath, realising that perhaps she'd crossed the line. She'd just suddenly felt so angry and she just wanted Brendan to realise what he'd done to her Dad. He'd never been the same since Brendan had left his life.

'I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt Steven.' said Brendan quietly, still not meeting her eyes.

'It isn't me you should be apologising to, it's Dad.' said Leah, feeling the anger slowly starting to ebb away. 'You destroyed not just your own family but ours. And I need you to tell me why.'

'I can't.' said Brendan, looking for once almost vulnerable. So much like Paddy.

Leah looked at him, still completely unable to understand the situation. 'Mum told me you used to hit my Dad. Is this your twisted way of protecting him? Because he may not be hurting physically, but mentally he's a mess.'

'One of my biggest regrets was hurting Steven like that.' said Brendan, not offering her an explanation for his actions. 'I can't take it back, but at least while I'm in here he's safe from me.'

'He's not safe from himself. Who are you protecting?' asked Leah. 'Who's worth loosing out on your whole life with my Dad and missing your kids grow up?'

'I'm protecting nobody.' answered Brendan, the shutters being his eyes now down again. 'I'm capable of hurting Steven in that way, so what makes you think I wouldn't do the same to my own Da?'

'Because you're capable of love as well.' said Leah softly. She glanced down at her old yellowing drawing. 'I wouldn't have drawn this if you weren't. Children have the ability to see the good in people no matter what they've done in the past. I don't see you willingly giving us up this easily.' she looked down at the picture again.

'You think some pictures you drew as a child make me a good person?' Brendan laughed bitterly. 'I've always been a monster Leah, you just didn't see it.'

Leah thoughtfully bit her lip. 'You made a bug motel with me. I remember it really well and you read us bedtime stories. How could a monster do that? You also made Dad the happiest he has ever been. That has to mean something, right?'

'Leah, do yourself a favour; go home, tell your Dad about the baby and forget you ever met me. You'll be a lot happier that way.' said Brendan coldly.

'But Dad won't be, I'm doing this for him.' she said firmly, looking him directly in the eyes. 'He's never going to happy until you're a free man. It has been thirteen years and he still loves you. There has never been anyone who has even been close to the way he feels about you. He has even kept all of your stuff, when is what I'm saying ever going to sink in with you? Is it because you don't love him any more?' she finally asked.

'I'm never going to feel any differently about Steven.' said Brendan, almost in a whisper. 'I just can't...' he trailed off.

'Can't what?' demanded Leah.

'This isn't one of your old fairy tales. I'm going to be in here for the next seven years. Steven has accepted this and you should too. I'm not getting out for a long time.'

'But he shouldn't have to.' said Leah, trying to ignore how childish she sounded. 'If you just told the truth then you could be together.'

'Life doesn't work like that Princess.' said Brendan calmly.

'No.' said Leah, suddenly feeling cold. She couldn't stand even another minute in Brendan's presence. 'It doesn't.' she glanced down at her watch and suddenly stood up. 'I've got to go.'

'Go where?' asked Brendan.

'To the clinic.' answered Leah coldly.

'Leah.'

'No Brendan, thank you. You made me realise sometimes things just aren't fair, I was having doubts about my decision but you've just cemented it for me now.' said Leah, selfishly trying to get any form of a reaction out of Brendan. She knew it was childish, but by now she just wasn't thinking straight. 'Getting rid of this baby is the right thing to do.'

She stood up and moved to the door, ignoring the fact that Brendan was trying to force his way out of his handcuffs to follow her.

'Leah, you can't do this to Steven.' he tried to stand up, still fighting against the handcuffs.

'Why not?' asked Leah bitterly. 'You did. Goodbye Brendan.'

She walked out the room and knew this time nothing was going to make her turn back. Leah forced herself not to cry over the man, her Dad had shed too many tears over him already. A number of prison guards rushed past her as she heard what sounded like a table crash to the floor and Brendan letting out an animalistic cry. Leah continued on her journey, in her own little bubble that the chaos of the world couldn't touch.

**Water Proof Ink**

Leah sat in one of the plastic chairs in the clinic staring at the clock on the wall. The ticking coming from it seemed to be getting louder and louder, but time seemed to be moving slowly. They'd checked her in about half an hour ago and she was now waiting for them to call her name. Apparently all it would take was a simple tablet seen as it was so early in the pregnancy. She was just waiting for them to call her name. Leah picked up a nearby magazine and then placed it straight back down, she wasn't in the mood for reading. She nervously fidgeted in her chair, feeling the room was starting to get way to hot for her liking.

'Leah Barnes.' said a voice.

Leah wanted to stand up, she really did but her legs just wouldn't let her. It was almost as if they had stopped functioning. She looked down at her stomach and took a deep breath. For the first time she began to think of the thing in her stomach as a baby. Would it have Paddy's eyes and would they chew their lip the way she and her Dad did when they were thinking about something deeply?

'Leah Barnes.' said the voice again.

She shrunk even deeper into her chair, hoping the woman wouldn't see her there. Leah couldn't help but feel guilty about the way she'd left things with Brendan. Ironically he hadn't realised he was fighting her for the fate of his own grandchild. She glanced down at her phone, contemplating calling Paddy as she worked her way down her contact list. Leah stared down at her Dad's name, hovering a hesitant finger over it. She hit the back button, knowing she just couldn't do it. Her inner child just wanted her Dad, wanted him to hug her and tell her it would all be okay.

'Leah Barnes?' asked the voice one last time.

It was only ten minutes later that Leah realised she was sitting in the same hard plastic chair and hadn't moved an inch. The people in the chairs around her had come and gone, but she was still sitting there alone. She couldn't move, she was stuck. Leah knew there were only two decisions open for her: she either followed a nurse into one of those rooms or went home and told her Dad the truth. Neither felt appealing and for a moment she wondered if this was how Brendan felt on a regular basis.

'Are you okay?' asked a nurse who had just seemed to notice Leah.

Leah realised she'd been staring at the clock on the wall, hardly moving for the last thirty minutes. 'Yes, sorry. I was just...thinking.'

The nurse smiled warmly at her. 'Do you want me to call anyone for you?'

'No.' said Leah firmly. 'I just need a few minutes to sort my head out.'

'Well I'm over there if you need me.'

Leah nodded in reply, not trusting herself to speak. She continued to stare at the clock, watching the second hand work its way round again. Leah couldn't go home, but she couldn't stay here. It seemed the decision though was already made for her: she was keeping the baby against all odds. Even if it was from a one night stand with a man she wasn't even talking to any more. Leah Barnes was going to have the grandchild of a man she used to call her 'Daddy'. The situation was so messed up really.

A commotion outside of the main doors caused Leah to finally look away from the clock. She could hear angry shouting from the reception area that seemed to be getting louder and louder.

'Let me see her!' shouted an angry voice. 'She's my daughter; you can't keep me from her.'

'I've told you Sir, nobody can go in or out of those doors without the patient's permission.' said a frantic female voice.

'I don't give a stuff about permission. My daughter's in there and she needs me. I'm not letting a jumped up woman like you tell me otherwise! Now let me past, because you won't like me when I'm angry.'

There was the sound of a scuffle and shouting, which resulted in the doors from the reception suddenly crashing open with force. An angry looking man stormed into the waiting room, his blue eyes desperately searching each face. He stopped when he finally spotted Leah sitting in the plastic chair, a look of pure relief spreading across his face. For a moment Ste Hay looked his age as he stood in the middle of the clinic's waiting room looking at his daughter. They stared at each other for a moment, their eyes locked. Leah felt a wave of pure panic and surprise. How could her Dad have possibly known she was here? She examined his face looking for any signs of anger or disappointment, she found neither. She bit her lip, feeling too ashamed to hold his gaze for any longer. All the excuses she could think of for being there were lost. She looked at the floor and waited for him to say whatever he needed to, forcing herself not to cry. Without warning Ste crossed the room in a few short steps and pulled his daughter straight into his arms. He held her so tight that Leah almost felt as if she couldn't breath.

'It's okay,' he said gently. 'I'm here for you and I love you. We're going to get through this together.' he said firmly, cradling his daughter even closer.

Neither knew how long they stood there clinging onto each other as if their life depended on it. A lifetime could have passed and neither would have noticed because it was if they were on their own father-daughter planet. Both their faces were wet and neither were sure whose tears were whose any more. All Leah knew was that for the first time in weeks she wasn't scared any more.


	13. Sapphire

**Thank you so much everyone for your lovely reviews and patience. I decided to chop this chapter in half; as it would have been ages until I posted it in full. Hope you all enjoy it! :) **

Leah lay on the sofa with her bed covers tucked up to her chin. She'd pretty much spent the last six days here, watching rubbish children's television and not leaving the house. Her Dad had been treating her like he used to when she was ill as a child. He'd insisted she lay there and didn't move. Leah was starting to go slowly insane being stuck in the house, knowing Brendan's appeal was going on as she lay there. But so far she'd been unable to make up an excuse to go to it, it seemed her Dad wanted to go everywhere with her at the minute. Leah wasn't even sure she wanted to go to the appeal, remembering with a pang how badly she'd left things with Brendan. She'd even ignored Jim's texts and calls, knowing exactly what they'd say.

'Dad!' she shouted, as she heard him rushing around the kitchen making yet another extravagant meal for her. 'Dad!'

Ste stuck his head round the door of the kitchen. 'Are you okay?' he asked, almost looking panicked. He was covered in flour and had obviously been making either a cake or homemade bread.

'I think it's time we talked.' said Leah gently. 'You need to stop fussing all over me. I'm pregnant not ill.'

Both father and daughter had been avoiding the real issue for the last few days. Ever since they'd walked out of the clinic together not a word had been said about the baby. Leah had been almost surprised how well her Dad had kept his silence up. But every now and then she caught him staring at her like he wanted to say something, but he quickly turned away each time he noticed that Leah was looking at him.

Ste nodded, with a pained look on his face like a prisoner who had been condemned to death. 'I'm sorry Leah.' he sat down heavily next to her.

Leah opened and closed her mouth; she hadn't been expecting him to say that. 'What?'

Ste closed his eyes. 'I let you down. I was too busy with myself to notice that you needed me.' he placed his shaking hands other his face. 'I can't believe you nearly had to go through that on your own. I can't believe I nearly lost my first grandchild. This is all my fault.'

'No it's not.' said Leah angrily. 'Don't you ever think that Dad. This is all my doing.'

'But I knew something was wrong.' said Ste heavily. 'I should have paid more attention; I should have made you talk to me. I sometimes think all the bad things that seemed to happen are my fault, like it's payment for all the bad things I've done in the past.'

Leah shook her head. 'I would never have told you, I was too afraid you'd be ashamed of me.'

Ste pulled his daughter gently into his arms. 'I could never be ashamed of you. I'm always proud of you, even now. I know you're going to be a great Mum and your baby is going to be just as stubborn as you.'

'I hope not.' said Leah, breaking the tension finally by laughing. 'It was you who taught me how to be stubborn.'

Ste grinned at her. 'Well it's going to have both of us in its life, so the poor kid won't stand a chance.' he paused for a moment. 'I want me and you to do this together Leah. I want to help raise my grandchild and I want you to go back to university.'

'I can't.' said Leah, feeling a pang when she thought about her career.

'Yes you can.' said Ste. 'What about the Dad? Who is he? Doesn't he want to be part of his baby's life?'

Leah bit her lip, thinking about Paddy. 'It was a mistake; he wouldn't want to be involved.'

She knew it was a lie as soon as the words came out of her mouth. No matter what she thought of Paddy he was a genuinely good person underneath, he was just damaged. She'd have to tell him eventually, but she wasn't sure how happy he'd be with the idea. It used to feel as the two of them had a connection, but could the connection continue when a baby was on the scene? The other problem was her Dad; how would he feel when he found out she was carrying Brendan Brady's grandchild?

'Are you sure?' asked Ste, obviously thinking about his own relationship with his children.

'Yes.'

Ste was quiet for a moment. 'I've been thinking about it, I'll give up work while you're at Uni and look after them. I may not be Mary what's her face, but I know how to look after a baby. I have enough money from the sale of the Deli to get us by for a while. I want us to do this together.'

Leah felt her eyes fill with tears. 'Together.' she repeated. Her heart felt like it was about to explode with love for her father.

'Just no more secrets now, yeah?' said Ste. 'I want you to be honest with me.'

'Okay.' said Leah, biting her lip. Knowing that she couldn't quite agree to what he wanted yet. It seemed Brendan was always going to hang in the space between them. 'No more secrets.'

**Water Proof Ink**

Leah glanced up hearing her Dad's annoyed voice coming from the kitchen. He seemed to be having an argument with whoever was on the other end of the phone. The kitchen was suddenly silent and all she could hear was him banging around. Ste stepped into the living room, pulling on his jacket.

'I've got to go to work.' he said, pulling an annoyed face. 'One of the temps rang up and wouldn't take no for an answer. Are you going to be okay?'

Leah rolled her eyes. 'I told you a hundred times Dad, I'm pregnant not ill.'

Ste still looked unhappy and concerned. 'I just don't like leaving you here on your own.'

'What do you think is going to happen? Do you think the monster under the bed will get me or I'll be sucked down the bath plug hole?' asked Leah, raising an eyebrow.

Ste looked at if he was seriously contemplating that both those things could happen.

'Seriously Dad, just go! I'll call you if I need you.'

Ste loitered by the door, shifting from foot to foot. 'If you're sure?'

'Go!' said Leah, laughing at his serious face.

'Okay.' he kissed the top of her head. 'See you later, be good yeah?'

Leah rolled her eyes and directed her attention back to the television, she felt quite relieved when she heard the door slam. It wasn't until a few minutes later when she went to make herself a cup of tea that she noticed her Dad's mobile sitting on the side in the kitchen. A knock on the door followed seconds later and she assumed it was her Dad back for his phone.

She stepped to the door, with a lecture already on the tip of her tongue. Leah pulled it open. 'Seriously Dad, I can go two hours on my...' she trailed off noticing it wasn't her Dad standing at the front door. It was Mitzeee and Paddy.

'Leah.' greeted Mitzeee.

'What are you doing here?' Leah asked rudely, directing the question at Paddy.

Mitzeee looked between Leah and Paddy in confusion. 'You two know each other?'

Paddy flushed pink slightly. 'We...err...'

'Oh God, don't even say it; I can guess what your relationship was.' Mitzeee seemed to be remembering the negative pregnancy test. 'Like father like daughter, ay? What is it with this village and people going after their relatives?'

'We're not related.' said both Paddy and Leah at the same time.

Mitzeee grinned. 'Well that's my suspicions confirmed. Bit weird that, considering your fathers used to...well you know...'

Leah scowled at Mitzeee, not amused at the expression on her face. 'Wasn't Phoenix's Father something like your cousin?'

'Who told you that?' asked Mitzeee, the smile dropping.

'I did my research.' said Leah rudely. 'Now if you don't mind, I'm going to close the door on you both.' she angrily shoved the door forwards, to show them both she meant business.

Paddy stepped forward and stuck his foot in the door, just before Leah managed to close it completely. 'Leah stop being childish, we need to talk.'

'No we don't.' said Leah rudely, trying to force Paddy's foot away from the door... 'My Dad will be back soon and I don't think it's a good idea he sees you.'

Mitzeee put one of her well manicured hands onto the door and pushed it open. 'He won't be back for a while, he's got to go to work and back. Who do you think the clueless temp was that just rang him?' she stepped past Leah and walked straight into the living room. 'This place looks exactly the same! God doesn't your Dad ever decorate? I feel like I'm going to catch something by just sitting on this sofa.' she shouted.

Leah and Paddy looked at each other intently for a moment for the first time as Leah Barnes and Paddy Brady. There were no secrets between them now (except the baby); they both knew who the other was. Leah suddenly felt terrified by his prospect. What if their connection was only caused by their respective relationships with Brendan Brady? Where did this leave them and the baby? Leah opened and closed her mouth, desperate to blurt out her frightening secret. But seeing the vulnerable look on Paddy's face she found herself unable to do so.

'I'm sorry Leah.' said Paddy softly. 'I know I've messed up and I have no right to ask anything from you, but this is important. It's about my Dad.' he paused looking at Leah and trying to read her face. 'I know you care about him, just like Mitzeee and I do. Just give us a few minutes.'

Leah put her hand to her stomach for a moment and then looked Paddy straight in the eyes. 'Okay.' she stepped aside and let him.

Paddy cautiously stepped into the flat, glancing around with a surprised look on his face. His attention was suddenly caught by the felt tip drawings on the wall, specifically the ones that featured his father. For a moment he looked lost and sad.

'They're awful, aren't they?' Leah asked, leaning over Paddy's shoulder. 'Dad insists that I'm not allowed to get rid of them.'

Paddy smiled at her over his shoulders. 'They're cute. Mum never really kept any of our pictures.'

For a moment the two smiled at each other, until Leah looked away and remember the reason why they were no longer friends. She reluctantly pulled herself away from Paddy, not missing the hurt expression on his face when she did so.

'Do either of you want a cup of tea?' she asked politely, desperate for something to do that would distract her away from her confused emotions for Paddy.

'No love.' answered Mitzeee. 'We haven't got long; we need to talk to you about the appeal. It's not going as well as we'd all helped.'

Leah frowned. 'What do you mean?' She already knew the answer from the multiple texts she'd ignored from Jim. She heard something that sounded like the front door open and closed, she glanced up expectantly but nobody came into the living room. It must have been her imagination.

'Brendan isn't going to change his story when he takes the stand tomorrow, which means the whole thing is one big waste of time.' answered Mitzeee. 'We've exhausted every avenue now and you were the only person I could think to come to. You must have picked up something during the time you spent with him that could help us or convince Brendan to change his mind.'

Leah bit her lip, knowing whatever she suggested wouldn't help the situation. 'I don't think there's anything any of us can do. Brendan isn't going to change his story or his mind. But if it makes you feel any better I don't believe he killed Seamus, I think he's protecting someone.'

Mitzeee's pressed her ruby red lips together. 'Brendan and his Dad had a bit of a turbulent relationship Leah.'

'Are you trying to tell me you think he did it?' asked Leah.

'He was found guilty.' Paddy stated, looking at the floor.

'It doesn't mean he was. Sometimes the Police get it wrong, what if somebody else killed Seamus?' Leah looked at them both desperately, willing for them to agree.

'All I know is that arguing amongst ourselves on whether he did or didn't do it isn't solving anything.' said Mitzeee diplomatically. 'We need to come up with a plan between us to stop Brendan spending another seven years in prison.'

'Maybe that's what Brendan wants.' argued Leah. 'It would take a miracle for him to change his story tomorrow.'

A movement to the side of the room caught Leah's eye, she glanced up not expecting to see anything and was shocked when she noticed a figure standing in the doorway unnoticed. It was her Dad, his face was deadly pale and he seemed frozen to the spot unmoving. Leah automatically felt her chest constrict with panic, how was she supposed to explain the presence of Mitzeee and Paddy? As she looked at her Dad's face she instantly that explaining her unexpected guests was the least of her worries. Ste's mouth was pressed so tightly together that she could no longer see his lips, just a faint line. His eyes were full of emotion: hurt, anger, confusion and fear. He looked like a caged animal ready to either attack or flee at any moment. Leah instantly knew by this that he had heard everything the three of them had said.


	14. Purple

**This chapter felt as if it was written with blood and tears :P Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed the last chapter :) I've been a bit busy so I've not had enough time to thank some of you in person like I usually would :) I also had a bit of a block, but I hope it's resolved now :) I really, really hope you enjoy this chapter! **

Leah felt the world around her close in as she looked at her Dad standing in the doorway. Mitzeee and Paddy both stopped talking and fixed their gazes on where Leah was staring. Nobody said anything for a moment and the living room was so quiet that you could almost hear a pin drop. Leah felt her heart break at the betrayal now firmly etched on her Dad's face; she knew it was time to tell the truth. The problem was would her Dad want to talk to her when he discovered all that had been going on? How could she justify weeks of lying?

'Dad.' said Leah softly; her voice came out so quietly she was surprised anyone had heard her.

Ste stepped into the room glancing from Mitzeee to Paddy; his eyes lingered on Paddy for perhaps far too long. For a moment he looked as if he'd seen a ghost.

'Alright?' said Mitzeee suddenly, like discovering your lover's son and a friend who was meant to be in America sitting in your living room was an every day occurrence.

Ste drew his eyes away from Paddy and fixed them on Mitzeee instead. 'What the hell are you doing here and who the hell is he?' he pointed at Paddy.

Leah was taken aback by both her Dad's questions, as it was obvious he knew the answer to both of them. Maybe he hadn't heard everything after all. In her mind she imagined a number of wild excuses, but none made any sense.

'No need to be rude Ste.' said Mitzeee pursing her ruby red lips, 'I thought I'd at least get a hug when you saw me for the first time in thirteen years.'

Leah glanced over at Paddy and was surprised to see he was biting his lip, practically glaring at the floor. In an instant she understood; he thought that her Dad was rejecting and judging him, just like everyone seemed to have done. She immediately felt defensive of both of them, almost willing for them to like each other and to get on. After all if things had been different they would have been related through marriage, she briefly wonder if in a parallel universe her Dad and Paddy were close. Perhaps in some other time or place they were all one big family.

'Don't try and change the subject.' said Ste angrily. 'I want to know what you're doing here. And don't you dare pretend you're just here for a visit Mitzeee, I haven't heard anything from you in nearly thirteen years!'

Mitzeee for once looked ashamed of herself; she suddenly seemed very interested in her high heeled shoes. 'I'm sorry about that Ste, but it was just too painful after Brendan was arrested. I couldn't face it and it was around the time I had Phoenix. When I was ready to face it I heard that you'd moved on and was seeing someone. I didn't want to drag up the past when you'd gone through and dealt with it already.'

Ste looked almost lost for words for a moment, before a hard expression formed on his face. 'I've never moved on, I relive that day over and over in my head each night. I think of all the things I could have done differently or what I could have done to have stopped it all from happening. But every day I wake up to an empty bed, knowing that he isn't ever coming back.' he looked anywhere but at the three of them, trying to stop the tears that were forming in his eyes.

'I'm sorry.' said Mitzeee softly.

'I don't need you to say sorry. I need you all to explain to me what's going on.' answered Ste, his laser like stare fixed on his daughter. 'I'm sick of people trying to protect me or deciding what's best for me. When do I ever get a say or choice?'

Surprisingly it was Paddy who spoke first. 'He's right; it's time he knew the truth.'

Leah's head turned so quickly at his words that she was surprised that she hadn't given herself whiplash.

'I'm sick of the lies and secrets.' said Paddy, his eyes meeting Leah's. 'Lies and secrets are what got us all here in the first place. They've destroyed enough already and will continue to do so if we all carry on like we have been doing. It's time your Dad knew the truth Leah; he deserves to know it all. I've had choices made for me before in the past, when they should have been my own to make. It's not fair or right that he doesn't know what's going on.'

Leah took a deep breath and finally made a decision in which she knew would change things between her and her Dad forever. She glanced over at Mitzeee, who nodded in agreement to Leah's silent question. 'Mitzeee and Paddy are here because Brendan is in the middle of an appeals process. But it isn't going well and they want me to help them.'

'And why's that?' asked Ste accusingly, a strange coldness in his voice.

'I've been working on Brendan's case with Jim.' said Leah quietly; half hoping her Dad wouldn't hear her. From the look of pain on her Dad's face she knew that he had. 'I'm so, so sorry.' she stepped forward to touch him, but he flinched away from her.

'I can't believe you kept this from me.' said Ste, his voice wavering with emotion. 'How could you do this to me?'

'She didn't have a choice.' Mitzeee argued. 'Brendan specifically didn't want you to know about any of this Ste.'

Ste flinched away as if Mitzeee had hit him. 'He still thinks he can control me and make decisions for me, even now?' he asked angrily. 'Well he can't! I haven't seen him in nearly thirteen years. Thirteen long years where he sent back every one of my letters and denied each one of my visitation orders. That mean he has no right or say what I do with my life any more.'

'It isn't about him trying to control you.' said Leah. 'He did it to protect you. He didn't want you to get your hopes up, not when it's obvious he's going to loose the appeal.'

'I don't need protecting!' cried Ste.

'Yes you do.' cried Leah. 'The whole thing nearly broke you beyond repair last time and none of us could face seeing that happen again. So if you're going to hate us, then hate us. But I kept this from you because I love you Dad and I know Brendan's reasoning for making sure it was kept from you was the same.'

Father and daughter glared at one another, neither breaking the other's gaze. Ste was the one to look away first. The anger seemed to suddenly seep out of his body and it was as if somebody had cut the strings holding up a puppet. Ste's shoulders slumped and he suddenly looked exhausted.

'I need to sit down.' said Ste, he walked across the room and sat heavily next to Paddy. He glanced at Paddy, seeming unable to taken his eyes off him. He opened and closed his mouth, as if he was fighting an inner battle to say something. 'You look just like him.' he said quietly, a note of longing and sadness in his voice.

'Everyone says that.' stated Paddy, looking as if he was still trying to figure out whether Ste was going to reject him or kick him out of the flat. 'Mum hates it. She doesn't want me to be anything like him.'

'It's nice you look like him...' Ste replied and then stopped mid sentence, perhaps suddenly realising how weird what he had said sounded. 'I mean it's like looking at Brendan again, but a different version. A younger more carefree version, one who isn't damaged.'

Paddy smiled nervously at Ste, like a child who had been giving a rare compliment. 'Nobody has ever said anything like that to me before.'

'Well I'm not nobody.' said Ste, then his expression hardened as he looked at Mitzeee and Leah. He seemed to have suddenly remembered that he was supposed to be angry. 'I want you to tell me what's going on with this appeal.'

'Well you were probably in that doorway long enough to know what's going on.' said Mitzeee simply. She eyed Ste, seemingly unaffected by his previous ranting. 'I only know what's going on because Nancy told me.'

Leah raised her eyebrows at Mitzeee's straight to the point attitude. If her Dad had been looking at her like he was Mitzeee, she would have shrank backwards into her chair.

'I want to hear the whole story' he looked straight at Leah, trying to hide the hurt from his face.

'There's not much to tell Dad. Jim has made sure the appeal has been kept out of the press because Brendan asked him to. I've seen him a few times and each time he has been pretty much unresponsive and adamant that he won't change his story.' Leah finally met her Dad's eyes, relieved the truth was finally out there. 'Do you know why he won't change his story? Each time I saw him I got the impression he was hiding something and that he didn't do it. If we could just find out what, then maybe...'

'No!' said Ste firmly. 'Brendan...he can't...he won't do it.'

'Why not?' demanded Leah.

'I can't tell you, alright?' said Ste. 'If I could tell you I would. But I can't, so you'll all have to think of something else. He won't change his story, not now or ever.' he said with a fierce finality.

Mitzeee stood up and brushed down her dress. Obviously sensing that her and Paddy's presence wasn't helping the situation. 'I've got to go, Phoenix will be expecting me back and it looks like you two obviously have a lot to talk about.' she gave Paddy a pointed look.

Paddy jumped up, edging towards the door too. 'Yeah I've got to go. Mum and Declan will be expecting me. They're over at the minute for the appeal.' he stopped by Leah and for a moment the two shared a look. 'Are you going to be alright?'

'Yes, don't worry. Go.' answered Leah.

Paddy stepped forward as if he was about to kiss the top of Leah's head, but at the last minute stepped back. The whole exchange didn't go unnoticed by Ste, whose mouth fell open. He looked at Leah and then Paddy and then back at Leah again.

'You're...He's...' Ste exclaimed.

'Dad, no!' hissed Leah.

'What's...?' Mitzeee started to say, she was cut off by Leah grabbing her elbow and guiding her to the door.

'Thank you for coming.' said Leah quickly, practically shoving Mitzeee out the door.

Paddy quickly followed the two women out, desperate to escape Ste's intense glare. He almost looked ready to punch him.

Leah was about the close the door on them both, when Mitzeee once again put her hand on it to stop her. 'Are you going to show your face tomorrow? I think it would be good for Brendan if you came; Jim told me you two were starting to get quite close before the appeal started.'

Leah hovered by the door awkwardly. 'I'll see. I don't want to go anywhere or do anything that might hurt my Dad any more than he has been. He knows now and I guess from now on I've got to best honest with him.' answered Leah; she stood by the door suddenly not wanting Mitzeee and Paddy to leave.

Paddy gave Mitzeee a look and she smiled sheepishly at the two of them. 'I'll leave you two to talk. I'll see you and your Dad tomorrow no matter what Leah. Ste and I have a lot of things to talk about.' she quickly hugged Leah and then headed down the path towards her car.

Leah bit her lip, knowing now was the perfect time to tell Paddy about the baby. She would never have another opportunity like this. But she just couldn't do it. Instead the two stood awkwardly at the door, neither seeming able to make the first move.

'I wanted to say goodbye.' Paddy blurted out, he looked at Leah expectantly. 'I'm going back to Ireland when the appeal is over.'

'Oh.' was all Leah could think to say.

Paddy reached out and slipped his hand into Leah's. 'I wanted to say thank you for everything. You're the first person who just accepted the real me and not judged me by something my Dad did. For the first time I feel I can look in a mirror and not see my Dad staring back at me. So thank you for that.'

Leah bit down so hard on her lip that she could taste blood in her mouth. She didn't want Paddy to go, but she didn't want him to stay for the wrong reasons either. If she didn't tell him about the baby then he would be free, free to live a carefree life. Leah couldn't think of anyone more deserving of it.

'I hope you have a safe journey home.' said Leah robotically.

Paddy failed to hide his disappointment; it was as if he was waiting for something from her. 'Goodbye Leah.'

Paddy lowered his head and brushed Leah's lips lightly with his own. Almost automatically Leah wrapped her arms around his back and an innocent kiss became something entirely different. For a moment they desperately clung onto each other, their kiss speaking all the words that they could not. It was over in less than a minute, but it was enough to cause Leah's body to tingle all over. Paddy and her still had a connection, that even after all the drama involving Brendan was just as strong. This was why she had to say goodbye.

Leah stepped away from him, edging slowly so the gap between them became more and more. 'Bye Paddy.' she said in an almost whisper. She closed the door on him gently, knowing it was most likely the last time they would be alone together. Leah stood by the door and placed a hand on it, her heart feeling as if it was breaking into pieces. She wondered if on the other side Paddy was doing the exact same thing.

'He's the father, isn't he?' said Ste's voice from behind Leah.

'Yes.' said Leah, still not trusting herself to turn round and face him yet. She knew that she wouldn't be able to stop the tears from falling if she did.

'Does he know?' asked Ste, his voice strained.

'No.'

'Are you going to tell him?' he asked.

'No.'

'Why not?'

Leah closed her eyes. 'Because I want to protect him. He's better off without me and the baby.'

Ste let out a long sigh. 'Do you have any idea how messed up all of this is Leah? You're having Paddy Brady's child, this isn't some game. You've lied to me and now you're lying to him too. Your baby is going to want to know who their Dad is. He needs to know.'

Leah turned, fixing her face into a hard mask of indifference. 'I don't want to talk about this now.'

'Well when are we going to talk about it?' asked Ste. 'For the first time in my life I feel ashamed of you. I know my daughter, she isn't a liar and she doesn't keep secrets like you've been doing.'

Leah clenched her fists 'I did it to protect you.'

'Did you Leah? Or did you do it to protect yourself?' he turned away from her and headed towards his bedroom.

'We need to talk about Brendan, Dad!' shouted Leah after him. Knowing there was so many other things they needed to talk about too. 'I can't go to his appeal tomorrow without you being okay with it.'

Ste turned round, his blue eyes flashing with temper. 'Why not? You've done what you wanted so far, why change now?' he disappeared into his room and angrily slammed the door behind him.

A moment later Leah heard something that sounded like her Dad smashing furniture in his room. She flinched at every smash and sat down heavily in the nearest chair, she wanted to cry but found no tears would come. Instead she stared up at the ceiling, as if it held all the answers. It didn't and now she'd lost Paddy and maybe her Dad too. It was going to be a long night.

**Water Proof Ink**

The cup of tea in Leah's hand was cold as he sat staring at the wall. She hadn't seen her Dad since he'd stormed into his bedroom last night and it was starting to get to her. Leah had stayed up as long as possible waiting for him to come out, but he never did. She'd gone to bed and managed a few restless hours of sleep, before giving up on the idea of rest entirely. Leah had been sitting in the kitchen ever since, bar the few times she knocked on her Dad's bedroom door and received no answer.

Leah was started out of her musings by the sound of her phone ringing. She placed down the tea and pulled the pone out of her dressing gown pocket, noticing Mitzeee's name. 'Hello?' she answered.

'Are you ready to go?' Mitzeee asked.

'I'm not going.' answered Leah closing her heavy eyes, 'I can't go. Dad didn't take any of this well and I can't do anything else that will hurt him.'

Mitzeee sighed impatiently. 'Leah I'm not taking no for an answer, I'll be there in half an hour. Make sure your Dad is ready too. We're all going together; this might be the last chance we all have to see Brendan for the next seven years.'

Leah opened her mouth to argue, but all she heard was the dial tone. She pushed herself up and shuffled her way back to her Dad's bedroom door. Leah knocked once again and received no answer.

'Dad?' she said loudly. 'Dad?'

Leah received no answer and turned to go back to the kitchen, but something inside her suddenly made her stop.

'I know you're in there and I know you can hear me.' she leaned her head against his door, hoping he was listening to her. 'I never meant to hurt you, the situation just ended up being beyond my control. I did it all for you, I just wanted to get Brendan back for you. But I couldn't do it and now everything is even worse than before.'

Leah pulled her phone out of her pocket, checking the time. Mitzeee would be here soon and her Dad was showing no sign of coming out of his room.

'I want to go to the appeal Dad, but I can't go without you.' Leah called through the door. 'I can't do today without you because I know how it's going to end. I need you today and I think Brendan needs you there too.' she stepped away from the door, knowing it was useless. 'You always taught me to face up to difficult situations, even when I didn't want to. If you don't come to the appeal today you'll regret it for the rest of your life, a lot can happen in seven years. Don't you think you owe it to yourself and Brendan to be there?'

Leah turned around and was half way back to the kitchen when she heard the lock on her Dad's door slide open. For a moment father and daughter stared at each other silently, until Leah practically ran across the hall and threw herself into her Dad's arms. They held onto each other, neither saying a word.

'I'm sorry.' she whispered. Leah glanced over her Dad's shoulder at his trashed room. 'You've made a mess.' she then pulled away from him, realising her Dad was in his best suit. 'Does this mean you're coming?'

'Looks like it.' said Ste, trying to hide how uncomfortable he must be feeling.

'Thank you.' said Leah softly. She began to head towards her bedroom, but her Dad calling her name made her stop.

'Did he...' began Ste awkwardly, looking vulnerable. 'Did he ask about me?'

Leah smiled softly at him. 'You know the answer to that.' before turning and going to her bedroom to change.

**Water Proof Ink**

The drive to court had been a sombre affair; Mitzeee was quiet and Ste spent most of the journey biting the nail on his thumb. Leah gazed out the window watching as the houses went by. For the first time in weeks she felt strangely calm; her Dad knew the truth and he was going to be in a room with Brendan for the first time in years. She was just about to head up the steps towards the court when she noticed her Dad hesitating. Leah stopped and waved her hand so that Mitzeee would go on without them.

'Are you okay?' she asked.

Ste tried to smile, but it came out more like a grimace. 'It's just...I'm not as young as I used to be any more. What if...what if Brendan doesn't look at me like he used to?'

Leah forced herself not too laugh. Even in his thirties her Dad still looked young and gorgeous. How could any man not want him? 'You look great Dad and you know even if you didn't it wouldn't matter to him. You know there's a high chance he is going to loose this appeal, right?'

For a moment her Dad looked sad. 'I know he isn't getting out. But I've waited thirteen years, what's another seven ay?'

Leah slipped her hand into his and together they made their way into court. The proceeds were just beginning when the two sat down in the only spare seats in the public gallery. Leah noticed a few familiar faces: Paddy and Mitzeee. But there were other faces she didn't, she guessed a greying brunette woman was Paddy's Mum and the man next to her must be Declan. It was the blonde curly haired woman, however, that caught Leah's attention. There was something familiar about her and she looked almost uncomfortable, shifting every few seconds.

Leah glanced at her Dad, who was looking straight forward and ignoring everyone who was trying to get his attention. A silence spread across the room as the judge entered and the appeal began. Leah watched in awe as Jim unwaveringly began to argue Brendan's case, she hadn't realised what an amazing lawyer he truly was until this moment. As Brendan was lead into the room to take the stand, her Dad gripped her hand so tight that she was sure they'd be nail marks for weeks to come.

Brendan was wearing a suit and his beard was now neatly trimmed. He glanced up slowly from the stand, as if he could sense somebody looking at him. His blue eyes were flashing with so many different emotions. For a moment Leah thought Brendan was looking straight at her, but it soon became obvious it was her Dad who he was focused on. Both Brendan and Ste were locked in a gaze, like they were the only two people in the room. So much love, pain and electricity passed between them from the look alone, no words were needed. Leah felt her heart ache at the sight, this was what true love looked like and it hurt. She noticed Brendan seemed to be mouthing something to her Dad, before he broke their connection and turned his eyes back to the judge. Leah knew she wouldn't look his way again; by the way he clenched his jaw with determination.

Leah let go of her Dad's hand, as if it burnt her. She couldn't do this any more, not when she knew exactly what was about to come out of Brendan's mouth. Leah stood up and fled from the court room, not stopping until she had pushed open the doors to the outside world. She took in a deep breath and continued to walk, knowing she needed to get as far away from Hollyoaks as she could for a while. Brendan's mouthed words felt almost burned onto her heart:

'I'm sorry Steven.'


	15. Amber

**Thank you so much everyone for your beautiful reviews! They're always so much pleasure to receive. This chapter is set somewhere unexpected, but I hope by the end you'll understand why it is. I hope you enjoy reading this :)**

There were ten steps from the garden gate to the front door of the house Leah was stood in front of. When she'd first left the court room she'd never expected to end up here, it wasn't an ideal place to escape to. But she hadn't been able to think of anywhere else to go; years ago she'd left this place in such a hurry and it was today for the first time in years she'd decided to come back willingly. Of course she'd been back, but that was forced occasions like Birthdays and Christmas. This time it was different, this time she'd felt everything weighing so heavily down on her that she'd been forced to flee. For the first time in years Leah just wanted her Mum.

Leah stepped forward and knocked quietly on the door. Still unsure whether she was doing the right thing or not. After a minute of there being no sign of life from the house she turned around to leave, maybe she'd get the coach back to Hollyoaks. The door suddenly flew open and Leah jumped back in shock.

'Leah!' said a familiar voice.

Leah's face split into a smile as she noticed her younger brother standing in the doorway. His hair was messy and his clothes looked rumpled like he had just woken up from sleeping in them. 'Lucas!' she threw herself forward and was about to hug him, until she noticed his right arm was covered by a cast.

'You look awful.' said Lucas, appraising his older sister. 'Come in and I will make you a cup of tea. Well actually you'll have to make it, I'm still getting used to only having one arm.' he ran his uninjured hand awkwardly through his long brown hair.

'I thought you were meant to be in America.' said Leah. Both shocked and thrilled to see her younger brother. She stepped into the house, glancing around the place that she had once been forced to call her home. It looked different somehow, as if something was missing.

Lucas pulled a face at her. 'I broke my arm, didn't I? Slipped in the shower after training, which meant I had to come home. Mum didn't tell you?'

'No' answered Leah, feeling somewhat guilty that she'd been so caught up in her own life that she hadn't known things were going on with Lucas.

Lucas rolled his eyes. 'Don't worry; I'm used to being forgotten about. Remember the time Mum left me at the coach station and only realised an hour later that I wasn't there?'

'You were a quiet kid in her defence.' said Leah. 'You could have gotten away with murder and no-one would have noticed.'

Lucas childishly stuck his tongue out at her, 'Well it was hard to get a word in edge ways with you about.'

'Well at least I never broke your arm. That was a bit silly of you.' said Leah, remembering how excited he'd been about travelling over to the States.

'It's not like I woke up that day and thought: Hmm what should I do today? I know I'll play a bit of football, and then I'll use a bar of soap as a rollerblade and go flying across the tiles just for the fun of it. I can't see any flaw in this plan at all.' Lucas raised an eyebrow at her, his expression one that was often seen on her Dad's face.

Leah threw a cushion at him from a nearby sofa. 'Don't be sassy with me Lucas Hay. I beat you up easily enough when we were younger and I could still do it now you're so weedy. Don't think I'd go easy on you, just because you broke your arm.'

Lucas flopped onto the sofa, dramatically clutching the place where the cushion had hit him with his good hand. 'I forgot what it's like having a brute for a big sister.'

'Where's Mum?' asked Leah suddenly breaking the good mood. She watched as Lucas's smirk switched to a grimace.

'Why do you ask?' Lucas's full attention was suddenly on his sister. 'What's going on? If I remember rightly the last time you came here you said you wouldn't come back willing even if every house in the world was destroyed and this was the last one left.'

Leah flinched at the memory of her last argument with her Mum in this house. 'I just...I've made a mess of things Lucas.'

'Messier than breaking your arm in two places?'

'I would quite happily welcome a broken arm over everything that's happened.' said Leah quietly.

Lucas pushed himself up awkwardly with one hand, before crossing the room and sitting himself next to his sister. He used his good arm to pull his sister into his chest. 'What's going on?' He glanced down at his sister whose head was now wedged under his chin. 'You're not pregnant are you?' he asked jokily.

An awkward silence descended on the living room.

'Bloody hell Leah!' shouted Lucas. 'Mum's going to go mental. She's already angry that I failed all my exams; you always did have to do one better than me, didn't you?

'Sorry.' said Leah softly.

Lucas bit his lip thoughtfully. 'Are you keeping it?'

'Yes.'

'Okay.' said Lucas, accepting the fact without any argument. 'Who's the Father? It's not that Tom Cunningham is it?'

'Of course not! Does it matter?'

Lucas messed up his sister's hair. 'I didn't become a black belt in Judo for nothing Leah.'

Leah pulled away from her brother and looked him straight in the eyes. 'It's not just the pregnancy I've been keeping from everyone. I saw...I saw Brendan again.'

Lucas froze, a number of emotions flittering across his face. He opened is mouth and then closed it again, as if he was trying to think of the right thing to say. 'I take it you don't mean Brendan the duck?'

'Lucas!' Leah grabbed one of the cushions and hit him hard on the head.

Lucas just dodged out of the way of her next blow. 'I know I should be surprised, but I'm not. Ever since you were little you've always wanted to see him again and I never doubted that you would.' His face was now deadly serious. 'You and Dad always have a way of making things happen for you. Whenever a road is blocked you just find another way around it. I envy you both sometimes.'

Leah found herself lost for words. Her brother usually didn't go this deep into anything, usually he'd always be stuck behind a computer screen or playing a video game and all you'd get out of him were a few choice words and a few grunts.

'You say that Lucas.' started Leah. 'But you don't realise how much of a mess I made of things. I saw Brendan during my internship, Jim is his lawyer. I thought I could maybe make a difference, help get him released - but I failed.' She had a feeling the failure was going to haunt her for years to come.

'He murdered five people Leah,' said Lucas logically 'You picked the loosing team from the start.'

'But I don't think he did it and Dad's not talking. He didn't even know about it all until yesterday.' Leah said in a rush.

Lucas frowned. 'Mum would go mad if she could hear you saying this. She thinks Brendan Brady is the devil incarnate.'

'Do you think he is Lucas?'

Lucas was silent for a moment, as if trying to remember something difficult. 'I don't know. All I remember is him telling us bedtime stories and the way Dad never stopped smiling when he was around.'

Leah put her hands in front of her eyes. 'I feel like I've made everything worse. I mean as we sit here Brendan Brady is loosing his appeal. Dad's there alone and probably hurting even more than he did before.'

'He'll forgive you.' said Lucas firmly. 'He always does, he can never stay angry at either of us for long.'

'How can you be sure?'

'Something Granddad Danny once said to me: You have to break a few eggs to make an omelette.' said Lucas

Leah put her hands down and looked at her brother as if he'd gone mad. 'What do you mean?'

'I mean you've cracked the eggs and put them in the pan, you're just yet to see how the omelette has turned out. Yes you've hurt Dad, but have you just pulled off a plaster on a wound that's never healed? Maybe something good will come out of this, maybe Dad will start to heal now. He obviously couldn't have carried on for much longer how he was, it was slowly killing him.' he smiled at Leah, as if his answer was the most obvious thing in the world. 'Perhaps in the end things will work out for the best.'

Leah felt as if this day was turning out to be one full of surprises 'When did you get so wise and smart?'

Lucas puffed out his chest, in mockery of the statement 'I always have been, people just don't realise it. Just because I don't always broadcast my thoughts and feelings like you and Dad do, doesn't mean I don't understand or listen'

She smiled at him, 'My little brother's all grow up.' she wrapped her arms around him and placed a sloppy kiss onto his cheek

'Get off!' growled Lucas, struggling against his sister's grasp. He was slowly starting to turn red. Lucas glanced down at Leah's bag 'I don't suppose you've got any of Dad's biscuits in there?'

Leah picked it up and rummaged around, even though she already knew the answer. 'Sorry all I've got in here is: my phone, purse and...Oh! I forgot about these a USB and a CD.'

Lucas's eyes lit up. 'Seriously? Can I have a look?'

Leah pulled the two items out of her bag and passed them gently to Lucas.

'I've got an old computer upstairs that I built from scratch last year. Do you mind if I take a look at what's on them?' Lucas asked excitedly.

'What do you expect me to while you're doing that?' asked Leah jokily. 'I'm your guest.'

'You could always go upstairs and keep Mum company.' answered Lucas, a sly smile on his face.

'She's here?' asked Leah, suddenly sitting up straight.

'Yeah she's throwing out all of Simon's stuff. Didn't Dad tell you? They're getting a divorce.'

**Water Proof Ink**

Leah hesitated by her Mum's door holding a cup of tea. She could hear angry noises coming from inside and the sound of angry break up music. Leah used her free hand to knock lightly; half hoping her Mum wouldn't answer.

'Come in!' shouted her Mum's voice.

Leah stepped into her Mum's room, which looked as if a tornado had blown through it. There were boxes everywhere and clothes thrown across every surface. Her Mum was in the middle of it all using a pair of scissors to cut up a very expensive looking tie. Leah placed the cup of tea down gently on a spare bit of space on one of the draws.

'Mum?' asked Leah softly.

Amy jumped at the sound of her daughter's voice, surprise etched across her features. 'Your Dad told you then? I suppose you've come here to gloat.'

Leah could her body was starting to shake with temper. It seemed now the two of them couldn't be in the room together for more than a minute without an argument starting. She swallowed hard, forcing herself to be the bigger person. Her Mum was hurting and it was not the time to reignite old arguments. 'No.'

Amy looked surprised at her answer. 'Why are you here then? You'd never come here willingly, something must be wrong.'

'I'm pregnant.' stated Leah simple. She paused waiting for an explosion, but none came.

'Oh.' said Amy simply, her face showing no reaction.

'Is that all you have to say?' asked Leah, feeling extremely wrong footed

Amy let out a sigh, for once Leah noticed how old her Mum was starting to look. She looked tired and annoyed, but not angry. Why was it everyone was surprising her today?

'I've known for a long time that you do things your way, no matter what anyone else thinks.' said Amy. 'Pregnancy isn't a death sentence and I'd be a hypocrite if I told you off for something I did myself. I hope you're going to take a year out and finish your degree?'

Leah bit her lip, bracing herself for the next bombshell she had to share with her Mum. 'I'm going to quit Law and do Illustration instead. Dad said he'd help me out with childcare.'

'Okay.'

Leah felt faint suddenly and sat down on the only part of her Mum's bed that wasn't covered in clothes. 'You're okay with all this?'

'It's your life Leah. You're old enough to make your own decisions and mistakes. At the end of the day it's you who has to live with them, not me.' said Amy.

Leah found herself speechless for a second. All her life it had felt as if she was trying to live up to her Mum's impossible expectations. It came as both a relief and surprise that they didn't matter any more. Maybe they'd never really mattered in the first place. If her Mum could accept her mistakes so easily, then maybe her Dad would too.

'What happened with Simon?' asked Leah, finally addressing the elephant in the room.

'I caught him in bed with his secretary.' said Amy coldly.

'I told you he wasn't any good.' said Leah, but it wasn't addressed with the usual coldness she reserved for her Mum.

Mother and daughter looked at each other with understanding in their eyes for perhaps the first time in their lives. Perhaps the two of them had more in common then either of them had ever cared to admit.

'Where's Claire?' asked Leah, the absence of her little sister bothering her more than she cared to admit.

'She's at Grandpa Mike's.'

'Did she want to go there?' asked Leah.

Amy scowled at her. 'I didn't really give her a choice.'

'Isn't that always the problem with you?' asked Leah angrily. 'That's why I was so angry at you when I was a kid. You always did what you thought was best or right for us, but you never took what we wanted into account.'

Amy's cheeks flushed red with anger. 'How was I supposed to know this when you never told me? I'm not psychic Leah and I am far from perfect.'

Leah bit her nails nervously. Maybe her Mum was right, how could she have known any of what her daughter was feeling when she didn't tell her? Yes her Mum had done a lot of things that were unfair or wrong, but when had either of them taken the time to resolve or address the issues between them? Everything that had gone wrong over the last few months had been caused by a lack of communication. Maybe it was time to change things, especially with a new life on the way. She had to make sure the mistakes of the past didn't affect the future of the baby growing inside of her.

'Do you think...' started Leah, oddly nervous. 'Do you think we can try a bit harder from now on? Try to be more like a mother and daughter should be?'

Amy looked taken aback for a moment, before a smile stretched across her face. 'I'd like that.'

**Water Proof Ink**

Leah walked along the hallway to Lucas's room, feeling a lot better than when she'd first arrived. Her relationship with her mother was far from 'fixed' but at least the two of them were going to start trying now. The whole thing had actually been a welcome escape from the whole Brendan situation. She was well aware that by now the appeal would be finished and Brendan would be heading back to prison. Leah wondered how her Dad was feeling and felt a pang of regret. She really should have been there for him, but she'd just needed to get away from the situation for a while. Paddy probably would be getting ready to go home now too.

Leah hovered by Lucas's door, wondering what had been keeping him busy for so long. 'You in there?' she shouted.

'Yeah! Get in here Leah, there's something you've got to see!' Lucas shouted, not sounding as calm as he usually did. There was something different in his voice.

Leah pushed open his bedroom door. Curious as to what had made her brother so willingly to invite her into his bedroom (which was usually a no go area). Her attention was immediately drawn to the monstrosity in the corner that Lucas was sitting in front of; she hadn't seen any of the computers he rebuilt for fun before properly.

'What's the...'

'Shh!' Lucas silenced her.

A few moments later Leah understood why as her attention was drawn to the screen. She watched with her heart hammering in her ears as Seamus's Brady admitted to sexually abusing his son. Leah couldn't look away; it was like watching a horror movie unfold in front of her with no escape. But that didn't prepare her for the next bombshell, as Lucas silently started the next video without pause. She couldn't stop herself from screaming as Seamus Brady pushed his son to the floor, ready to do God knows what to him. All Leah felt was sick relief as she watched Cheryl Brady enter the club and shoot Seamus Brady straight in the heart.


	16. Turquoise

**Here is my next chapter. Just a side note: Parts of this fic are now AU as the flat has been blown to pieces and Doug has sadly gone to the big Deli in the sky. Thank you so much to everyone who review the last chapter! I always love hearing your theories/what you think. I hope you all enjoy this next chapter :)**

Leah sat in silence, drinking a sugary cup of tea that Lucas had made for her one-handed. Both hadn't really said anything since watching the two videos and it seemed neither were willing to break the silence first. Leah sat shaking on the sofa, resisting the urge to pass out or vomit. How hadn't she seen this coming? It was completely obvious when you thought about it; Cheryl Brady was the only other person in the club that night. She'd guessed from the start that Brendan hadn't killed his own father, but she'd never seriously considered innocent looking Cheryl Brady was the real culprit.

Leah looked up and noticed Lucas was staring at her, his face a mixture of emotions. It was pretty earth shattering news to find out that someone they had both considered both a murderer and a father figure was actually the victim of a horrific childhood. As she looked at her brother; she once again considered what she would have done to anyone who had hurt him in such a way. In her heart she knew she would have done the same as Cheryl. She would have taken the gun to the club that night and put a bullet through the heart of the person who had hurt Lucas.

'What are you going to do?' asked Lucas, staring at the USB and CD sitting on the coffee table in front of them.

'I don't know.' said Leah. 'But I do think I need to get back to Hollyoaks.'

'Do you think Dad knows?' Lucas questioned.

Leah nodded, remembering a lot of the strange things she'd heard her Dad say in the past and how they all now made sense. 'It must have been a horrible burden to bear. All these years people thinking the man you loved was a monster. It must have taken him all his energy not to shout the truth out from the roof tops.'

Lucas looked thoughtful for a moment. 'Are you going to go to the police?'

'I don't know.'

'Well maybe you shouldn't.' said Lucas suddenly.

Leah looked up sharply at him. 'How can you say that?'

'Say you take these to the police, then what happens next? Brendan's still in prison for four other murders. What if this Cheryl Brady now has kids of her own? That'd be more childhoods ruined by this horrible lie.' said Lucas calmly.

'What about Dad's life? Or Brendan's children's lives? Or Brendan's life?' replied Leah angrily. 'Haven't enough people suffered so that she can go free?'

'You don't get to be free after doing something like this Leah. The world isn't made up of right and wrong, there are shades of grey. You can be as self-righteous and bull-headed as you want about other things, but with this there are people's lives you could ruin.' said Lucas. 'You've got to remember Brendan made this decision, Brendan wanted his sister to be free. He won't thank you for screwing up his sacrifice.'

Leah's eyes narrowed at her brother. 'How can you be so robotic about this? We have vital evidence to a murder case and you're asking me to pretend it never existed.'

'No Leah.' said Lucas calmly. 'I'm asking you to think before you act. I'm not as emotionally involved with this as you are. Plus as your brother I can see exactly why Brendan did it, I would probably do the same thing for you. I don't want you to do something you'll live to regret. Does Brendan's sister have children?'

Leah thought about it and some how remembered the answer. 'She's got two, I remember Dad mentioning it a long time ago.'

'Would you be able to live with yourself if you took their mother away from them? Would you Leah? Dad would maybe have Brendan back, but would he be the man he's supposed to be with his sister stuck in a jail cell?' asked Lucas.

'She was happy to let him sit in a jail for thirteen years. She left his kids without a father.' argued Leah, but she could feel the fight in her slowly leaving.

'No Leah, Brendan choose all those things. In a way Dad did too if he has known the truth all along. This secret you've discovered is far bigger than the both of us. What if it's meant to stay buried?'

Leah flinched under the look Lucas was giving her, it was one she often saw on her father's face. She was beginning to think maybe she was acting too hastily, what if Lucas was right? What if it was important this secret stayed buried?

'Do you see where I'm coming from now?' asked Lucas nervously.

'I think so.' whispered Leah, feeling oddly uncertain of herself. She clenched her fists in frustration. 'Why couldn't you just let me hand them into the police? It's the right thing to do,' her voice was breaking with emotion.

'Because you're my sister and I know the consequences of your actions would have destroyed you in the end.' answered Lucas putting his uninjured arm around her. 'If you'd acted on your first instinct a minute ago then you would have regretted it.'

Leah bit her lip, realising suddenly what she had to do. 'I need to get back to Hollyoaks.'

'Can't it wait until tomorrow?'

Leah shut her eyes. 'No, I need to talk to someone and if I wait until tomorrow they might be back in Ireland by then.'

Lucas stood up suddenly and ran into the kitchen. He returned a minute later with a big smile on his face. 'Look what Simon forgot.' he held up some car keys.

'But I can't drive.' said Leah.

'Who said anything about you driving?' asked Lucas, a glint in his eye.

'Lucas! Are you suggesting what I think you are?'

'Perhaps.' he said grinning.

'You can't steal Simon's car!' said Leah, trying her best to look stern and failing.

'Why not? He won't notice, he's too busy with his secretary. Besides Dad used to steal cars all the time when he was around my age.' argued Lucas.

Leah glared at his logic. 'And look where it got him! He nearly killed himself, Mum and me! You're cancelling out all of the smart things you've said to me today now with blatant stupidity Lucas.'

Lucas rolled his eyes. 'No I'm not.'

'Yes you are. Don't make Dad's past mistakes.' said Leah angrily.

Lucas shook his head at her. 'Trust me, I won't because I won't get caught.' he winked at her and headed towards the front door. 'You coming or not?'

Leah sighed, quickly grabbing the USB and CD off the table. She shoved them quickly into her bag, shouting a quick goodbye to her Mum up the stairs and followed her brother out of the door. 'How are you going to drive one handed?'

'I'm a Hay, I'll find a way.'

**Water Proof Ink**

Leah knocked on the familiar blue door once again. She'd been knocking for over five minutes and there was still no signs of life on the other side. She knew for a fact that the appeal had been over for a few hours now and Brendan had lost, Mitzeee had texted and told her as much. But she didn't understand where the Brady family could have gone, they must have been all staying here. Surely they couldn't have all gone home already.

Lucas had pretty much broken the speed limit to get her here in the quickest time possible, being one-handed hadn't slowed him down at all. Although there were a few near miss moments where Leah had clung to the passenger door handle as her brother tried to erratically turn the car steering wheel one handed. It had been a relief to pull up outside her Dad's flat in once piece.

'They're not here Leah.' said Lucas from behind her, he kicked a stray rock down the steps.

Leah angrily began to hit the door in frustration. 'They have to be. Where else could they be?'

Lucas raised an eyebrow at her. 'Have you thought about trying The Dog? If I'd been at court all day it would be the first place I'd go, they do the most amazing burgers.'

'The Dog!' Leah shouted. 'Of course. You're a genius Lucas.'

'No Leah, I just possess some common sense.' he trailed off as his sister rushed past him and immediately followed. 'Who is it you're so desperate to talk to?'

'I'll tell you later.' Leah replied, heading straight towards The Dog. She came to a stop suddenly and Lucas crashed into her. Leah hovered by the door, suddenly uncertain about what she was about to do.

'Are you going in?' asked Lucas.

'I don't know.' said Leah faintly. 'I'm nervous and I don't know why. It feels like I'm about to do something life changing, when I know it won't make any difference at all. I can either go through this door or walk away and pretend none of the past few months have happened.'

Lucas rolled his eyes. 'Don't be so dramatic. They might not even be in here, just go in.'

Leah pulled open the door and stepped into the pub before she could change her mind. She glanced around and noticed her Dad sitting in the corner with Mitzeee, deep in conversation. Charlie Dean was at the bar and he smiled warmly at her as she walked in, his smile got even wider as he spotted Lucas (the two boys were usually inseparable whenever Lucas was visiting the village).

After scanning the bar with her eyes, Leah finally found what she was looking for: The Brady family. They were sat in the corner around a big table, even from a distance Leah could tell there was a sombre mood in the air. Finally her eyes focused on the woman she was so desperate to talk to: Cheryl Brady. The blonde woman seemed to be deep in conversation with a small girl sat next to her, oblivious to Leah's stare. Leah suddenly realised Paddy was missing she looked around the room and with a jolt realised he was at the bar talking to another woman. Not just any woman, Kathleen-Angel McQueen.

'Leah, are you alright?' asked Lucas from beside her, obviously aware of her growing distress.

Kathleen-Angel was touching Paddy's arm, giggling at something he'd said.

'Yeah.' said Leah her voice far away, she found herself unable to tear her eyes away from the couple at the bar. Her eyes were starting to sting.

'Leah?'

Kathleen Angel was touching Paddy's face, seeming to be wiping away an invisible eyelash. Her face was so close to Paddy's now that she'd probably be able to feel his breath on her skin. All she'd have to do was lean in a little and the two would be kissing.

Leah lifted her hand up to her cheek and realised she was crying.

Lucas looked at his sister then at Paddy, finally catching on to what was upsetting his sister. 'I'll kill him!' growled Lucas suddenly and launched himself angrily across the room.

Leah watched almost in slow motion as Lucas marched straight up to Paddy and punched him in the face with his uninjured hand. The move caused a tidal wave of activity to occur all around the room. A man (who Leah assumed was Declan) jumped up from his chair and ran over to tackle Lucas, who seemed to now have Paddy in a headlock. Charlie Dean ran out from behind the bar, but instead of breaking up the fight he rugby tackled the man who had come to Paddy's aid.

'Lucas!' cried Leah, she ran forward, trying to break up the fight but failed.

'What the hell do you think you're doing?' shouted Ste, appearing from nowhere and diving straight into the action. He dragged Lucas away from Paddy and put himself between the two. 'Explain yourself Lucas! I didn't bring you up to be like this.'

Lucas was shaking with rage. 'It's his fault!' he said angrily, pointing his finger at Paddy.

'I've never even met you!' growled Paddy. He stepped forward ready to go up against Lucas again, but his brother held him back.

'No, but you've met my sister Leah. She's the one over there pregnant with your child, watching while you chat up another woman!' said Lucas, his eyes flashing dangerously.

'I wasn't chatting...' started Paddy angrily, he stopped talking suddenly as if he had finally absorbed Lucas's words. 'Pregnant?' his blue eyes were suddenly completely focussed on Leah. 'Is...is he telling the truth?'

'It's not yours.' said Leah quickly, the words out of her mouth before she could stop them. She was shocked to see a number of emotions pass across Paddy's face: shock, relief, pain and then most surprisingly disappointment. He glared down at the floor, refusing to look at Leah.

A brunette woman sat on the Brady table let out a snort. 'Apple doesn't fall far from the tree with either of your children, does it Ste?'

'You know what Eileen?' said Ste, not taking his eyes off either of his children. 'Why don't you just go do one?'

The woman called Eileen narrowed her eyes at Ste. 'I wouldn't expect anything less to come out of your mouth.'

'You can say what you like about me, but nobody says anything bad about my kids but me. They're my life and only I get to make comments about their behaviour.' he turned fixed Lucas and Leah with a firm parental stare. 'Outside now! The both of you.'

Lucas edged towards the door, but Leah found herself frozen to the spot looking at Paddy. A part of her wanted to step forward and hold him, knowing he was obviously in pain. But the other part of her knew it was for the best, Paddy was going to have such a wonderful life without her and the baby holding him back.

'I'm sorry.' said Leah softly, so only Paddy and perhaps his brother could hear. 'Maybe we'd have worked out in a different time or place. But in this life we're not destined to.' she turned away and followed Lucas out of the pub. Knowing this time it was goodbye for good.

**Water Proof Ink**

Leah sat glaring at Lucas, unsure whether to be mad at or feel sorry for him. He had several wodges of tissue paper shoved up his bloodied nose and was holding an icepack to a lump on top of his head. Their Dad had spent about half an hour lecturing them both, before storming out the flat to get some air. They'd never really been in their Dad's bad books before and it was a new experience for the both of them.

'Why did you do it?' asked Leah.

Lucas flinched a little as he shifted the icepack on his head so that he could look at his sister. 'Do what?'

'Punch Paddy.'

'He hurt you.' answered Lucas, like it was the most simple thing in the world. 'Why did you tell him the baby wasn't his, when obviously it is?'

'It's complicated.' answered Leah. Although as more time passed she was beginning to regret her decision. Paddy looked as if he'd been punched in the stomach when he'd found out it wasn't his baby. She was sure the broken look on his face was going to haunt her for many years to come.

'It always is when it comes to you and Dad.' said Lucas, closing his eyes again.

'What do you mean by that?' asked Leah accusingly.

Lucas let out a long sigh. 'I just mean wouldn't it be easier if you'd told him the truth. Anyone could tell from a mile off that he likes you, maybe even loves you. When I hit him I thought he was just some idiot that got my sister pregnant. I still think that, but after seeing his reaction to your baby news, maybe he's some idiot who got my sister pregnant but cares about her. I may have hurt him, but none of my punches compared to the pain you caused him when you said the baby wasn't his.'

'I want him to have a life and not want to be with me just because of a baby.' said Leah.

'Well you need to give him that choice, instead of pushing him away.' Lucas shifted slightly and let out a grunt. 'You've got to admit considering I only had one arm, I kicked his arse.' a sly grin spread across his face.

'Lucas.' said Leah in a warning tone.

'I hope your kid takes after me with their fighting skills. Because Uncle Lucas totally rocks!'

A knock on the front door caused them both to fall silent. Leah stood up, guessing her Dad must have forgotten his keys when he'd stormed out the house. She stepped through the first door and then slowly opened the second one, not expecting to see the person waiting on the other side. The very person she'd gone to The Dog to talk to. Cheryl Brady was stood on their doorstep, looking extremely awkward in her leopard print power suit.

'Hello.' said Leah awkwardly.

'Hi love.' said Cheryl. 'I was wondering if your Dad was in.'

'He's gone out.'

'Oh.' Cheryl looked lost for a moment, before she forced herself to smile. 'Perhaps I'll catch up with him another time. We hardly had time to talk after the appeal today. I'll see you later love, please tell him I stopped by.' Cheryl turned to walk away, but Leah calling after her made her stop.

'Wait.' said Leah, she rushed into the kitchen and picked up her bag before rushing back to where Cheryl was waiting. From the bag she pulled out the USB and CD and pushed them into Cheryl's limp hand.

Cheryl paled as if she had seen a ghost at the sight of the items, looking as if she was ready to be sick at any moment. 'Where did you get these?' she asked faintly.

'That doesn't matter.' said Leah, her voice sounding stronger than she actually felt. 'What matters is I know what you did.'

Cheryl's eyes teared up and for a moment she looked like a small child. 'Are you going to tell the police?'

'No.' said Leah softly. 'Enough lives have been ruined by this terrible lie, I won't be the one to ruin any more.' she remembered the small girl sat at the table with Cheryl and knew this was the right thing to do.

'Thank you.' said Cheryl.

'Don't thank me.' said Leah darkly. 'I can barely look at you at the moment.'

Cheryl bit her lip. 'You don't understand what that man did, he was a monster.'

'I'm not talking about how you murdered your own father, I'm talking about how you allowed your own brother to go to prison for something you did. Did you ever suffer any consequences for what you did?' asked Leah.

Cheryl dug her long red nails into the USB stick. 'I suffer the consequences every moment of every waking day. When you kill someone, the significance and guilt of what you did never leaves you. I've missed Brendan every day since he went to prison and I wish I could go back in time and change what happened, but I can't.'

'Okay.' said Leah coldly, trying her hardest not to feel any sympathy for the broken woman in front of her. 'I want you to go now. Your dirty little secret's safe with me.'

'I never meant to hurt Ste or your family.' said Cheryl.

'Well you did.' said Leah.

'I'm sorry.' she whispered, her eyes filling up with tears.

Cheryl turned to walk away, but Leah once again felt there was one more thing she had to say.

'If that was Lucas locked away in a prison cell for something I did, I wouldn't be able to live with myself. I wouldn't rest until I found a way for him to be free again.' stated Leah.

'I've tried everything.'

'You obviously never tried hard enough.' said Leah, as she slammed the door in Cheryl's face. She stood by it shaking for a moment, her icy exterior finally cracking.

Leah hadn't meant to be rude to the older woman, but she couldn't help but take her frustrations over everything out on her. She stepped into the living room and noticed Lucas was now fast asleep on the sofa. Leah grabbed a blanket from her Dad's room and drapped it over her brother, examining all the cuts and bruises on his face as she did. Although she was furious with him, she understood exactly why he'd done it: He'd wanted to protect her. Each cut/bruise was a symbol of his love for her and the lengths he'd go to defend her honour. Lucas's injuries would heal soon enough. It was just a shame that the scars that Cheryl and Brendan had caused on so many lives, would not.


End file.
